


Everlasting Silence

by KB_Shomu006



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Avengers Tower, Don't Like Don't Read, Evil Odin (Marvel), Gen, Good Loki (Marvel), Loki is a Good Bro (Marvel), Mind Control, Please Don't Hate Me, Sad and Happy, Self-Harm, The Author Regrets Everything, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 33,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26751847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB_Shomu006/pseuds/KB_Shomu006
Summary: After the war Thor looks to building New Asgard. Loki meanwhile is sent to stay with the Avengers. But they cannot bring themselves to trust the trickster even though he helped in the fight against Thanos.For Loki it's like he's reliving his life on Asgard. Never trusted. Everyone being wary of him. One day he suddenly disappears not before injuring himself badly.While the Avengers continue their search for Loki, Tony finds his diary. Read and learn about the life of the Norse God and what truly happened in the Mischief maker's life.This is an alternate universe to Infinity War where Loki lives. So does everyone else and Thanos is defeated before the snap.WARNING : Contains self harm, sucidal thoughts, abuse and torture.DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters except my own.
Relationships: Frigga | Freyja & Loki (Marvel), Loki & Avengers Team, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Loki & Tony Stark
Comments: 54
Kudos: 200





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. First of all as you can see I am a fan of Loki and many other things. I'm new to using AO3 for publishing so please be gentle if I've got any mistakes. Enjoy.

Chapter 1

"What's the use of you then?" Tony Stark asked, the venom dripping from his voice. All of his anger was directed at the person sitting in front of him, Loki, while Peter Parker was laying down, critically injured. 

One year had passed since Thanos's attempt at destroying half of the life in the universe but apparently that was just a trigger for all alien life forms. An invitation that Earth is open for attacks. 

This was one of those. The Avengers fought valiantly and managed to finally defeat the alien army with the help of the guardians but that didn't mean there weren't damages. Many of them were gravely injured and were being transported back to the medical facility. 

Loki had been fighting alongside them for the better part of twelve hours. He was exhausted and could barely keep his eyelids open. His magic was severely depleted and he was injured with many burns and deep wounds covering his torso. It was in this condition that Loki along with Tony had found Peter Parker hurt and surrounded by a pool of blood. 

As they came closer they saw that his condition was worse than envisaged. His neck and left shoulder were victims of fire. His arm was twisted at an odd angle. But the worst was the gaping hole in his stomach. 

Tony quickly tried to stop the bleeding, "Come on, Loki. Do your magic. Heal him."

"What? Stark, I can't heal him. I can barely heal myself."

Tony gave him a look filled with so much hate that Loki had to fight off the urge to flinch. Then he spoke those words that stabbed Loki more than anything. 

"What's the use of you then?"

Loki knew that none of the Avengers wanted him on Earth. It was only out of respect and camaraderie to Thor that made them agree. He was certain though that the arguments that Thor spoke in Loki's favor was the only reason they agreed no matter how begrudgingly they ended. 

They lived in the Avengers’ Tower. Thor had taken to rebuilding Asgard with the remaining Asgardians. No one except for Bruce Banner actually spoke to Loki aside from a few words from the Captain every so often. 

Once again Loki was back to square one. Back to being Thor's unwanted brother, a nuisance, just a thing in Thor's shadow. Someone despised, unwanted. Thor couldn't be bothered either. He had jobs as a king and his little brother's petty problems could wait. 

It would have been understandable if the Avengers didn't trust him. Given his personality, no one would. But that was not the case here. They didn't mistrust him, they hated him. 

Loki didn't like this. How was he any different than most of them? Wanda Maximoff was against the Avengers until she switched sides. Agent Barton and Agent Romanoff were basically assassins and Stark was an arms dealer before he decided to do good. And yet they looked at him as if they were Saints and he was Satan himself.

But that was the point wasn't it? It was never about what he had done, it was just because he was Loki. This was the universe's way of showing him that he didn't belong anywhere. That he will always be unwanted, unloved and a complete nobody. It was his fate and would never change no matter how much he tried. 

He really should’ve been grateful. He had a roof over his head, warm bed, food. But all his life Loki had only wanted to be accepted. To be loved just as much as Thor. People's opinions always mattered to him. Every word spoken against him, every dirty look sent his way was like a dagger in his heart. 

Until today. 

"What good are you then?" Tony Stark said again. 

Loki looked at the boy in front of him. His condition was bad and slowly getting worse. He was barely breathing. He knew that very soon the boy would die. He knew what it was like to be on the verge of death, grabbing the last thread of life. 

"Why did you even come here? What's the point? You can't do anything right anyway." Tony kept on talking, insulting him.

And Loki started thinking. What good was he? What was the reason he was alive? Why did he even continue living? Maybe he was just a waste of space. Maybe he was no special. 

All his tricks, his illusions, his magic they amounted to nothing. Maybe he was just better off dead. 

All those voices saying he should have never been born, he should have been long gone. Perhaps they were right. In the end what if he was just meant to be useless?

Then his eyes went to the boy who was dying. He was too young. He didn't deserve this. 

But you do. You can't be any good. The voices whispered. 

No. He will be useful. He will find a way to save the boy. He was the God of tricks and he would find a solution. He couldn't heal him in the usual fashion but there was something else he could do. Something he had only done once before.

Giving Tony a look filled only with determination he placed his hands on Peter's forehead and stomach. Green mist came from his hands and started to knit Peter's wounds. It hurt but he could bear it. It won't take that long either. 

Tony could see every muscle joining back together. Captain America came behind them speaking into the comm and calling for help most probably. 

After only a couple of minutes Loki took a step back, panting heavily. Tony and Steve kept their eyes on Peter who had yet to move. Suddenly Peter's eyes flashed open and he sucked in a long breath. 

"What- Mr. Stark? What happened? Why are you here? Did we win?" Slowly Peter got up shooting rapid fire questions, "How am I alright? I thought I was gonna die. I mean I was hurt pretty bad so it makes sense, but how am I alright?" 

Before anyone could answer a wet cough was heard. They all looked up to see Loki holding his one hand over his mouth, blood trickling from the side and the other hand on his stomach. And looking at him Tony and Steve finally realized how exactly had Loki healed Peter. His neck was now covered in burns and blood was seeping through his armor. 

He had transferred all of Peter's wounds onto himself. 

Peter's eyes widened in shock. "M-Mr. Loki?"

"Oh...oh God. He couldn't heal Peter so he..." Steve muttered, horrified. 

Peter turned towards Tony, "What happened?"

"He did what had to be done."

"Tell me what happened? How did Mr. Loki get hurt that bad?" Peter all but shouted. Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes. 

"What happened to you, happened to him." Steve spoke up, "You were dying Peter. He couldn't heal you so he transferred all your wounds onto himself." Peted could only stare in shock. 

Loki's breathing was shallow and his eyes wide and frantic. Steve moved to help Loki while talking in his comm, "We need help. Loki's life is in danger. He's hurt. Severely."

As soon as these words left his mouth thunder was heard in the distance causing Loki to look up. With a great resounding boom, Thor landed next to them, Stormbreaker in his hand. A medical jet landed next at the same time and Wanda and Nebula, one of the few that weren't injured, came out. 

Thor walked up to his brother, wanting to help him into the jet but was surprised when Loki scrambled back from him, as if afraid. Afraid of Thor. 

Thor stood stock still, his face filled with confusion and disbelief. Steve took a step towards him, 

"S-Stay back. D-Don't come near me." Loki stammered. Before Thor could come out of his shock Loki was enveloped in a greenish-gold light and was gone. 

Ever since Loki had arrived, Tony had tried to convince himself and everyone that he was evil. He couldn't be trusted. But it was all just an excuse. In truth, he wanted to distance himself from him because he saw too much of himself in Loki. 

Loki was a genius, sarcastic, witty perhaps even emotionally unstable. Looking at him reminded Tony about all of his mistakes. All the wrong decisions he had made so he had to distance himself.

He's a madman, a murderer, a psychopath. Don't ever forget it. Tony tried to convince himself and the others. 

He knew he had been too harsh on Loki this time as well, but Peter was hurt. He loved this kid as his own. He couldn't lose Peter. He was too young. He still had his whole life ahead of him, so much to do. He couldn't let Peter die. He could never forgive himself if something happened to the kid. 

But now... now if Loki died, he was certain the guilt would eat him alive.


	2. Chapter 2

_But now, now if Loki died he was certain the guilt would eat him alive._

"What happened out there, Stark?" Thor's voice broke everyone out of their thoughts. Peter, Steve, Tony and Thor were sitting in the living room all thinking about a certain dark-haired demi-god who had yet to be found. 

As soon as Thor snapped out of his reverie he had flown off in search of his only family that was left. That was seven hours ago. Thor had come back with such a defeated look that they didn't bother him with questions. They all knew the answer already. 

Peter hadn't said a single word at that time and he didn't seem too keen on saying anything now either. What could he say? Someone he barely knew was gravely injured, missing and could probably be dead for all he knew. 

Mr. Loki had seemed like an interesting guy but Mr. Stark said not to go near him, that he was dangerous. Everyone else had seemed to agree to this so he listened. He stayed away. 

But now...he didn't know what to think of anymore. 

For the first time in years, Steve truly felt as if he was a hundred years old. He couldn't help but feel guilty. He had seen how the other Avengers treated Loki. He knew that they were overstepping their boundaries but he didn't do anything to stop them. Nothing at all. 

He thought that everything would be fine as time passed. That the Avengers would start treating him nicely. As a normal person. As one of them. He should have told them to tone it down. He should have stopped them. But he just stood there watching and now things had come to this. It wasn't fair. 

"What do you mean? What did I do?" Tony asked, his tone clearly implying that he was irritated. 

"Why did Loki react like that? He was scared. I left him in your care, Stark. If you have done something to him I swear-"

Tony cut him off mid-sentence, "We didn't do anything, Point Break. That's the first time he did something like that, alright? The question should be what did you do? It was you he moved away from."

"How dare you imply that I harmed my brother?"

"You implied it first, didn't you? I just returned the favor."

By now the two were standing in front of each other. Before they could trade punches, Peter spoke in a quiet voice, "Will Mr. Loki be able to heal himself?"

"He will survive. He has survived worse." A monotone voice said making them all jump. 

Nebula was standing at the door with a tray of food in her hands, obviously sent by Pepper. What Nebula said finally sunk in. He has survived worse. 

"What do you mean my brother has survived worse?" Thor walked up to Nebula. "I have been with him my whole life. These are the worst he has received yet."

Nebula tilted her head as if she was intrigued. She then looked towards the other three who were expecting as much of an answer as Thor. 

"I see. He has opted not to share this information to you." her face remained blank. "Then I will keep it that way."

"Why would you care about my brother?" Thor growled. 

"He has said that we are friends. Is that not what a friend does? Respect each other's privacy?" Nebula questioned in that same monotonous dialect. 

"What information Nebula? What are you talking about?" Tony asked. But Nebula only turned around and walked away ignoring his question. They turned towards Thor who looked just as confused. 

"What do we do now, Mr. Thor? 

Thor sat down on the sofa, his shoulders hunched. He looked tired, worn out, but who could blame him? He was worried and most probably tired from his job as king as well. 

"I feel like I've failed him again. Some woman who neither of us have met is saying that my brother has been hurt more severely and I don't even know about it." Thor's expression was broken and weary. 

"Thor it's alright. You're a great brother." Steve tried to reassure him while Peter gave him a sandwich from the tray. 

"Yeah Mr. Thor. And when Dr. Strange comes back from his dimensional-something mission we can ask him to track Mr. Loki." Peter told him. 

Tony went out but not before he heard Steve tell Thor and Peter to get some rest. He kept on walking while thinking about what he could do. 

He was so lost in thought he was that he didn't even realize where he was going. When he looked up, he was standing in front of Loki's room. 

He looked left then right just to see if anyone was coming. When everything seemed clear, he entered. Tony was expecting something flamboyant, covered in green and black or filled with bodies of dead or something but apparently his room was simple. 

Nothing had been changed, nothing added like in the other bedrooms he had seen. It was clean and looked almost new. For someone who was known to cause chaos, the place was amazingly clean. If there wasn't a pile of books on the table, Tony could have been sure this was a spare room. 

He didn't know why he came here but now that he was, he may as well look around. First he looked into the cupboard which was empty. This surprised him. 

_Where were his clothes?_

But then he remembered Loki had magic. He must have just changed them through magic. 

He searched the whole room but found nothing. Quite literally. Loki had no personal item in this room. It was as if he didn't even live here. The Avengers never really did make him feel at home since day 1, so it made sense. He sat down on the bed, his shoulders heavy with guilt. 

He stared at the books on the table. Tony thought,

_Atleast, there was something of Loki's._

Apparently Loki really liked fantasy because these books consisted of The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and Narnia. Tony couldn't help but scoff at how _human_ these choices were.

Just as he was about to get up and search for something else, his eye caught the sight of a book bound in black leather at the bottom of the drawer. He picked it up and opened the first page. On it an elegant script was written. 

_To my dear boy Loki._

_From your loving mother._

_I will always be with you, my son._

He flipped through the pages, skimming the mysterious book. 

It was Loki's journal. 

________________________________

A woman with red hair and grey eyes opened her door to put the milk bottles outside but stopped short when only a few feet away a man with dark hair, face covered in blood, who was propped against the wall, unconscious and severely injured. 

She rushed over to him and checked his vitals. He was alive. She breathed out a sigh of relief. But looking at those wounds it might not be that long since he was attacked or injured. She looked around worriedly. 

"I should take him to a hospital. I mean..." She said aloud but she wasn't expecting an answer from the unconscious body, who muttered, "No, don't." 

She wasn't sure if he heard her or was talking in his unconscious state but this meant that she could rule out the hospital. 

She was so screwed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ________________________________  
> Yullo. Hope you liked this chapter. If you didn't then I am sorry. I promise I will try to better myself. 
> 
> Alright the reason I chose Tony to find Loki's diary is because I am sure that he wouldn't think twice before opening someone's personal object and looking at it. 
> 
> Don't worry though a few more people will read it too along with him. Just wait. The secret will come out. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony couldn't believe it. He had found Loki's diary. He had taken it with him and was now sitting in his lab staring at it as if it would blow up any second. 

Now it got him thinking. Should he read it? He had no right. But what Nebula had said had piqued his interest. He wanted to find out what information about himself Loki had withheld. And besides this was a good way to learn about the trickster. 

He opened the first page again, the message from his mother clear. He turned to the next page. It was neatly written but you could still tell it was written by a child. Tony started reading. 

_I have decided to use you as something that will record in you my thoughts and experiences, just as I have heard some mortals do. You were a gift from my mother so I will cherish you greatly._

Tony laughed at how it was written. It was as if he was talking to the diary itself. Shaking his head at his childish act, he continued. 

_I don't really know what to write in you at the moment but I guess I will share my experiences with my family today then. The first thing I have to say is that Thor is an utter idiot._

'Well, now I'm sure this is his diary.' Tony thought. 

_He always does such stupid things. Sometimes I wonder if we are even related. The other day he actually believed that he could touch Mjolnir and got his hands burnt. And mother says I'm the mischievous one. If I hadn't healed him with the new spell I learnt he would have been punished._

_He never uses his brains when he needs to. If he didn't get high scores in studies I would have been inclined to believe that he actually was dumb. Well, what can I say he is Thor._

_I like spending time with Mother though. She teaches me all sorts of spells. She says that when I get a bit older she'll teach me how to summon weapons using my sedir. I wish I was older now so I could learn. It all sounds so fascinating._

_I love mother's voice. It's so nice. She sings us to sleep every night. When she isn't here though I get nightmares but Thor is there to calm me down. He says he'll kill all the bad monsters and never let them hurt me._

_Thor is strong so I know he will. Anyways Mother is calling me for dinner. I will write in you tomorrow. If I have anything of interest to write about, that is._

That was where the first entry ended. 

'Well he sure did write alot.' Tony thought. 'He's treating this diary as if he was his friend. Weird.' 

He turned over a few pages. The next entry was a bit longer. There were a few dried drops on the side. Maybe it was raining when he wrote this. 

_I wrote a poem today for father. I had worked quite hard on it._

'Cute', Tony thought about the poem. A drop mark was here. 

_I was always good with words. Mother said so. I even skipped a day of study and risked punishment for it. I really wanted to do something nice for father and earn his praise. What better way than to use the skill that I was best at._

_I spent a long time at it. I used all of my skills and spun the words. I thought that I had done quite good. I waited until an hour before bedtime and went to search for father._

Two more drop marks here. 

_I asked a guard and learned that he was currently in a meeting. I waited outside as I was not allowed in the room during a meeting._

_Thor was though. I remember that just the other day he went in the room to show his new sword. I was so scared for him but apparently he had come out quite happy. I know I could never get away with something like that._

"Great. Favoritism for the older child." Tony muttered. He continued reading. 

_Once the meeting ended many members of the council walked out. They gave me funny looks but I ignored them. I knocked at the door. Hearing Father's permission to enter I went in._

_He was looking through some pages most probably of the other realms. He looked up at me. I explained that I wrote him a poem and handed the paper to him._

Two, three drops were here together. 

_He gave it a single look and put it down. He said that I could go now. He didn't read it. When I pointed it out he merely said, "And?" I saw his eye. I heard his tone._

_It was distant, cold. He didn't care. Didn't care that I had spent a whole day on it. Didn't care that I wrote it for him with my whole feelings poured into it. Didn't care about me._

_I left without another word. I managed to hold my tears back. No one should see the prince of Asgard crying. But I cannot stop them now. They won't stop falling. Why won't they stop? Why does it hurt so much? I can feel my chest constricting. I feel empty inside. I don't like it. I don't want to feel this way._

It was then that Tony realized that these weren't raindrops. They were tears. A young Loki's tears. 

Tony felt sick. He was just a kid who wanted a few words of praise. 

'Okay, hold up you’re overreacting. Maybe the kid thought wrong. He is just a kid.' Tony thought. 'There's no way am I going to fall for a tiny sob story. My dad never praised me either. So, what if he ignored a poem? The kid must've found other ways to impress him.' 

Tony tried to convince himself. But he just had a feeling in his gut that things were gonna get worse. 

Perhaps he should stop reading it. What if the others find out? What would he tell them? This is clearly a breach of personal space. 

But he also had to find out when Loki had gotten hurt. What Loki was hiding. And he could even try to find his motivation in attacking earth all those years. He had to find out. He always hated this curiosity that he had. But he really couldn't help it. 

He was in a dilemma. He wanted to keep reading. He wanted to find out what made the God of Lies to attack Earth. He wanted to know what it was that he hadn't told anyone. Not even his brother. 

But he also knew that this was something personal. He knew that if the others found out they would want an explanation. And Thor would be furious. 

So lost was Tony in his thoughts that he didn't hear the lab door open. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you have it. Hope you liked it. Sorry if it isn't that good. This is only the beginning. There will be many more instances of Loki's life mentioned including the one year with Thanos. 
> 
> I am sorry for any mistakes. I will try to better my self. Thank you for reading. 
> 
> Don't forget to tell me what you think. Once again sorry for mistakes.


	4. Chapter 4

_So lost was Tony in his thoughts that he didn't hear the lab door open._

"Mr. Stark?" the young voice of Peter Parker snapped Tony out of his thoughts. Tony quickly shut the diary and covered it under a few research papers. 

"Hey Underoos. What are you doing here?" he said while glancing at the clock. "It's eleven 'o'clock. Way past your bedtime buddy."

"I came to tell you that Mr. Doctor Strange is back from his multi-dimension mission and that you should come up. But if you're busy right now, that's alright. I really shouldn't be bothering you." Peter rambled. "But I think they are gonna start fighting soon and I really think you should come."

"Peter you didn't have to come to tell me this. FRIDAY could have told me."

"Actually boss, I did tell you." a female robotic voice spoke. "But you didn't listen. So I called him."

Tony didn't realize that he was that absorbed in the diary. Shaking his head, "Yeah sorry. Come on, let's go."

As they both headed upstairs they heard shouting. This made them pick up their pace. As they came closer they were able to make out what the argument was about,

"Well, how do you know that Loki isn't just playing another trick. He is the God of Lies afterall."

"Loki is not playing any trick, Strange." Thor's deep voice was resonating with suppressed rage. 

"Peter, go, get Steve and Bruce." Peter nodded and rushed off. Tony knew that he would only make matters worse. Diplomatic conversations weren't really his thing. But he could at least stall for a while. 

"Last time I checked he took over the throne of Asgard and killed your father."

"My brother-"

"Oh come on, he isn't even your brother, Thor."

Tony heard something heavy move and he quickly went in. Thor was standing and he looked he was ready for murder. On the other side of the room was a man with a red cloak around his shoulders known as Doctor Stephen Strange. 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Tony spoke up causing both of the residents of the room to look towards him. "Don't wreck the nice living room guys. Break it up."

Thor sent a murderous look towards Strange and then sat down heavily. Bruce, Steve and Peter came running in. 

"What happened? Peter said something about a fight breaking out." Bruce asked panting. 

Tony turned towards them, "Yeah it's alright now. Just these two having a go at it." he pointed behind him. "Why were you fighting by the way?"

Strange gave a weary sigh, "I tried to locate Loki."

"And?" Steve inquired. 

"I can't find him."

"W-what do you mean you can't find him?" Bruce fiddled with his glasses. 

"It means that due to the fact we don't have any of Loki's personal belongings or any relatives my spell is weaker."

"But you should still be able to give us a city or a general location right? You did that before." Steve asked, referring to a mission a few months ago. 

"And that is where our second problem comes in. It seems that he cannot track him as Loki has subconsciously put up some sort of cloaking spell."

"You can't subconsciously put up a cloaking spell. It requires great focus. He is purposely hiding himself."

"And I have told you sorcerer that this spell comes as second nature to him. This is one of the spells he is best at." It was obvious that Thor was starting to get irritated with his behavior. 

"How are you so sure that he's not just planning another attack?" Strange pressed on. 

"Why would he wait for a year? He could've attacked when we were weakened by the war." Thor countered. 

"Maybe to gain everyone's trust and learn their weaknesses."

"Well he really didn't earn much trust, that's for sure." Bruce muttered under his breath. Tony and Steve heard though and the words twisted their guts with guilt. 

Thor and Strange looked ready to fight again so Steve decided to intervene, "Alright stop. Thor you go with Bruce and Stephen you're coming with me."

Tony decided that this was the best moment for him to go too. He needed to continue reading. "Well as everything looks great here I'll be going to my room too."

And with that he took off down the hallway leaving the rest bewildered at his behavior. As soon as he entered the lab he locked the door and picked up where he left off. He had decided. He had to find the truth. He didn't care what anyone would think. 

He had to know what happened in the trickster's life that changed him so much. He would stay up all night if he had to. He had pulled all nighters before. This wouldn't be any different.   
__________________________________

A bloodied pair of tweezers were set aside in a tray by a woman who had red hair and gray eyes. This woman, who went by the name of Jennifer Austin, was staring in shock at the bandaged man lying on her sofa. This man was none other than Loki, God of Mischief. 

The same God who had attacked Earth so many years ago and fought in the battle against Thanos and later joined the Avengers. And she had just bandaged and cleaned his wounds and burns. She looked him over. 

She noticed that his whole body was covered in scars of various kinds. They seemed like scars of severe burns and cuts. 

"I wonder how you got them." she said out loud almost anticipating an answer like last time. Nothing. She sat on the floor with a great thump. She was tired. 

She had dragged the God of Mischief into the house, prevented more of his blood from being lost than it already had been from a nasty gash in his stomach and wrapped them. She was so glad she became a doctor. 

'Well never thought I'd meet him like this again.' she thought to herself. 

She remembered just a couple of months ago that the very person lying in front of her had saved her and her best friend's and many others' lives from being crushed under falling debris. Without him, she wouldn't even be here. 

So in her opinion this was her way of thanking him for saving her life and was one of the reasons she hadn't called the police. 

She stretched very much like a cat before getting up. She was going to her room. She deserved the rest. 

She looked back once again to see Loki's face appearing completely peaceful. He looked quite young or maybe that was the sleep deprivation. She hadn't had a good rest for some time now. She shrugged and went off. 

She wasn't afraid of him getting up and killing her because for one he was a good guy now, right? And two, she was sure that with such wounds it would take a little while before he could even move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jennifer Austin is just an OC I made. But I'm not gonna pair pair her up with Loki. She's just a friend. 
> 
> I'm horrible at writing romance so I don't even try.


	5. Chapter 5

Bruce woke up with a start as his alarm blared up. He groaned into his pillow muttering that the mornings always came too soon. He sat up wearily, shutting his still beeping alarm clock and rubbed the heel of his hands into his heavy eyes trying to get rid of the sleep that was forcing him to go back to where he was a few seconds ago. 

He yawned. He was tired. He had stayed up all night, trying to calm Thor down. 

_**Flashback** _  
_After Tony had walked out Bruce took Thor by the arm who still looked ready to fight Dr. Strange then and there. He had to practically drag Thor out of the room which was no easy task for him._

_As soon as they entered Thor's room, Thor started pacing, looking quite like a lion about to pounce to Bruce. He knew he had to word things carefully._

_"Thor." Bruce began. Thor gave no indication of hearing him but he continued. "Thor you need to calm down, alright?"_

_He abruptly stopped and turned towards Bruce, "How?" he questioned and though he sounded angry, Bruce could hear the underlying sadness and worry. "How can I calm down when my brother is out there hurt?"_

_"Thor we are searching for him. And as soon as we find him we will bring him here and heal him until he looks as good as new."_

_Thor gave a small bark of laughter. He sat down on his bed, putting his head in his hands and gave off an air of defeat._

_"Do you know what is the worst part of our current predicament, Banner? That after all, Loki and I have been through he still doesn't trust me to tell the truth."_

_"Wh-what do you mean Thor?"_

_His head shot up,  
"I was blind Bruce. Everytime I came to visit him I never noticed that he was not happy here." he gulped, "He always greeted me with a smile and said he was having a good time and I believed him."_

_"But now I can see that you all never really accepted him here did you?" Thor looked pointedly at Bruce._

_Bruce couldn't decide whether to tell him yes or no. Taking a deep breath to calm his frayed nerves he spoke, "Thor I trusted him. I still trust him. After that battle with your crazy sister I saw that he had changed. And I promise I will try my best to find Loki alright?"_

_This brought a small smile to Thor's lips and he thanked Bruce for his kind words of encouragement._  
_**End Flashback** _

Bruce shook his head. He went into the bathroom, performed his morning routine and felt a little more fresh, if only slightly. Looking around he decided to check up on Tony. He was acting strange yesterday and distant. Well, distant for Tony. So he made his way to the lab.  
_________________________

Tony Stark at the current moment was sleeping in his lab. Last night he had sat down so that he could further read what was written in the diary but alas, it was not meant to be. 

As soon as he had read the first word Pepper had come and told him to look at some emails of Stark Industries. Just as he was about to protest she gave him such a look that he diligently started working, no questions asked. 

It was 3 'o' clock in the morning when he was done and he had just put his head down on the table to rest his eyes. Before he knew it, he was sound asleep. 

Now he was woken up by Bruce Banner who was knocking quite loudly on the door. He yawned and rubbing his eyes asked his AI, "FRIDAY, who is it?" 

"It's Doctor Banner, boss."

"Well let him in." he ran a hand through his hair. His sleep muddled brain didn't wonder why he had kept the door locked and he had forgotten about the diary that innocently sat on the table top. 

"Good morning Tony." Bruce said as he entered and looked around the lab seeing that it was a mess as always. 

"Hey Bruce. How have you been?" he greeted the gentle doctor. 

"Oh good. I've been good." Bruce fumbled with a pen sitting on the table. He was wondering whether he should ask Tony about his behavior or not. He was worried for his friend but he also knew that Tony preferred his privacy. 

Coming to a final decision he took a deep breath, "Tony?" He called for the attention of the once again asleep inventor. 

Tony was jostled awake, "I'm awake. What happened?"

Bruce smiled at his friend's antics but then frowned because obviously Tony had once again decided to follow his unhealthy sleeping habits. 

"So what did you wanna know?" Tony yawned and set two cups of coffee down. He had finally found enough strength to get both himself and Bruce a cup each from the coffee machine he had set up in the lab. 

"Well I wanted to ask if you were feeling okay. I mean you haven't come out of your lab since yesterday."

"Oh? Oh." Tony finally remembered exactly what he was doing yesterday. Loki's diary. His eyes landed on the black book behind Bruce. "No, no problem at all. I'm perfectly fine. Just I was working on some improvements on the suit."

He got up and so did Bruce, "Are you sure?" Bruce asked concerned for his friend. 

"Yep, perfectly fine. Never been better." He handed Bruce's cup to him and gently started leading him away. 

But before Tony could actually take him out of the lab and hide the diary Bruce stopped and asked about the exact thing he wanted to hide.

"What's this?", Bruce pointed towards the black diary.

"That", Tony started, "that is......my......journal. Yeah, my journal. You know something you write about things in. It contains my notes. Nothing important." Tony tried to divert Bruce's attention but before he could react Bruce had picked up the diary.

'Oh shit' was the only thought that went through Tony's mind when he saw Bruce's eyes widen in surprise.

Bruce knew he had seen that diary somewhere. To get a closer look he picked it up. As soon as he opened the first page he remembered why this seemed so familiar. He had seen it with Loki before. His eyes widened. 

On the first page was the message from Loki's mother. He looked up, "Tony, why do you have this?"

"Um.......that's a good question. Well you see what happened was that I found it."

"Tony, this is Loki's belonging. You just decided that-that it'll be okay if you just picked it up."

"Well..."

"God, Tony." he ran a hand through his hair. "You realize that Doctor Strange could have located him by now right?"

"Actually I thought about that. How long has it been since Strange has been a wizard? Four, five years. Well Loki has hundreds of years of practice. Do you really think that Strange could find him?" Tony questioned. 

"Well it wouldn't have hurt to try. Maybe he could have."

"Bruce you weren't there, alright? He was afraid of Point Break. The blood loss must have made him delirious but whatever he saw, scared him."

"And that", Tony pointed to the diary, "can tell us why."

"Th-this isn't right."

"Look I promise no one else will know. I cross my heart." Tony lifted his left hand as if making an oath and crossed over his heart. "And don't tell me you're not curious too."

Bruce had to admit, if only to himself, that he was quite curious. He gave a long suffering sigh, "Fine I won't tell anyone you have Loki's diary."

"Yes, thank you so much, Bruce."

"That's not all. I have a condition. I'm reading it too and keeping an eye on you."

Tony pondered this for a minute. Bruce could hear the gears in his mind working. After what seemed like forever to Bruce he answered, "Fine."

Bruce handed him the diary. Tony motioned for him to sit in the chair next to him. A screen popped up. 

"Alright here's how it goes. Whatever page I read FRIDAY will scan and it'll appear on the screen. And don't speak about this to anyone. Alright?" he sounded somewhat grumpy and reminded Bruce of a child that had to share his candy with someone else. 

Holding in a laugh from the mental image that came from this thought he nodded. Tony opened a page and his screen lit up. They both started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the story. I'm sorry for any mistakes or OOCness. Please forgive me.


	6. Chapter 6

_Tony opened a page and his screen lit up. They both started._

As soon as the screen lit up Bruce started reading. He noticed that Tony had a grim expression and was fully concentrated almost as much as he concentrated when making his suits. 

"You know I'll flip the page soon, Doc." Tony's voice brought Bruce back to reality. Muttering a sorry, he started reading. 

_I have always felt different for some reason. Unlike others, I do not enjoy those rambunctious parties and feasts they hold all the time. I prefer reading books over going on adventures with Thor or training. I am physically weaker than almost everyone._

Bruce scoffed but continued. 

_It was obvious that I would stand out. I can see people whispering and pointing as if I am an exhibition in a glass display. They look at me as if I am some creature to be gawked at. I don't like these looks. They make me feel uncomfortable._

_And it's become even worse ever since I decided to make magic my weapon of choice. I do not understand. When Lady Sif had decided to become a warrior she was hailed and yet now when I use magic, which I seem to have an affinity for, I am ridiculed._

_I know all the hidden places in the castle. I can hear the servants talking, saying that I am nothing but a disgrace for the family. I shouldn't believe what they say but sometimes I do start wondering if I will always remain weak._

_Father says it too. Many times in fact. That I need to be as good as Thor. Even though I wish to use magic I still have to take fighting lessons. Father overlooks these lessons._

_He finds many mistakes in what I do. Sometimes I see Thor making those same mistakes yet, Father never stops him. Or perhaps, I am mistaken. Father's words for Thor are always filled with praise and yet for me it is only 'do better' or 'you were lacking'._

_I have decided to work harder then if I am weak. I have to prove myself to Father and Mother that I am also strong and I can be a worthy son. I will make sure that those people eat their own words._

_I miss Thor. Ever since his lessons in combat have started I see less and less of him. But I suppose I am to blame as well. It is because I learn magic when he spars with his friends that I cannot spend time with him._

_When he comes back he is too tired to listen to anything. Even Mother has duties that she must attend to and Father will not tolerate my presence for more than a minute I am certain._

_I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone who would not look at me as if I am some weird specimen. I have to go practice my spells now. But perhaps I will write in you later. It is much better than merely thinking all the time._

Bruce and Tony sighed simultaneously. Apparently there was a lot of prejudice in Asgard. And Odin was proving to be a jerk in Tony's book. 

Tony flipped a page. He noticed the writing seemed a bit shaky. 

_My shoulder hurts quite a bit but I wish to write in you. My ribs are bruised and my shoulder is sprained. I lied to Eir. I told her that I fell but I did not wish to tell her that these wounds did not come from an accident._

_I have locked myself in my room. It has been all day. I know Mother might get worried but I do not have any desires to talk to anyone. Everyone will just judge me as they always do._

The pen was apparently pressed quite hard into the page here leaving a large ink blot. 

_My pain is getting better. My body is healing itself._

_I am hurt because…_

Bruce could almost imagine a young Loki sitting, his quill or pen, whatever he was using, hovering over the paper. Thinking. Contemplating whether to write it down or not. 

_I am hurt because I got into a fight I did not have a chance of winning. I should start from the beginning._

_For the past few days a group of trainees had been following me. They used to corner me and throw nasty jibes at me, they basically were trying to provoke me into fighting. I do not know why and I did not wish to find out._

_I always managed to give them the slip. It is quite easy to manipulate them. People are surprisingly predictable. But today, today they went too far. It was alright if they were insulting me. I was quite used to them. Father made sure of that. And yet they insulted Mother. Normally, I would use my pranks to get my revenge but today I was consumed with rage._

_They spoke against their Queen. Against my Mother. And in this state of frenzy, I punched the one closest to me. I was pinned down quickly and kicked several times, thus my bruises. They left quickly though, but I had managed to break one's nose and the other's arm. I feel quite satisfied._

_But I haven't told Mother. I do not wish to give her more problems than she already has. My body heals quicker than others so these will be gone by tomorrow. I don't see any reasons to tell her. And next time I'll move around the castle with a cloaking spell. This way, I won't have to interact with anyone._

"Didn't he tell anyone about this?" Bruce asked Tony. 

Tony had put down the diary, "Let's go get something to eat. I'm hungry. It's way past breakfast time."

Bruce looked up. Surprisingly, three hours had passed since he woke up. Getting up, but not before hiding the diary, he ran to catch up to Tony who was already at the elevator door. 

"You know, that was basically bullying, right?" Bruce asked again. "Do you think there were more instances like this?"

"Well, the only way to know will be if we read more, right Doc?" Tony looked towards Bruce then grinned, "So you up for sandwiches?"

"Uh sure." Bruce shrugged. 

As they entered the kitchen, they saw Peter sitting on the table staring off into space, a juice box in his hand. 

"Peter?", Tony all but yelled, causing both Bruce and the boy in question to jump. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?"

"It's a Saturday, Mr. Stark. School’s off."

"Well what are you doing here? You should be at home studying. And does your Aunt May know?"

Bruce smiled at Tony's fatherly behavior. Going to the fridge he took out some leftovers as the sandwich seemed to be out of the question and popped it into the microwave. 

"Ye-yes. Aunt May knows. She was the one who told me to come here. Some work came up and she had to go. She sent me here."

"Where's everyone else?" Bruce asked as the place was somewhat silent. 

"Well, Ms. Black Widow is on some new mission, Mr. Hawkeye is at SHIELD HQ and Captain is out patrolling the city - I think. Oh, and Mr. Thor said he has to look after Asgard so he went too."

"I'm surprised you haven't gone on the patrol, Underoos. Usually, you would be begging to be out there."

Bruce took out the food and separated them into three plates, placing one in front of each of them. 

"Well I did ask Captain but, he said I should take it easy. I was injured yesterday."

Tony stopped eating. How could he forget? Loki was missing and it was more or less his fault. 

"Are there- are there any news of his whereabouts?" Bruce nervously glanced at Tony. He knew Tony well enough by now and he knew that he felt guilty. 

Peter shook his head. Bruce sighed. Tony grinned and changed topics. "So, what are you going to do today?"

"I was wondering if MJ and Ned could, maybe, come over?" Peter gave Tony his best puppy eyes look.

Tony sighed. "Fine but they're not allowed to enter the lab at all." He couldn't believe he agreed to this but seeing Peter's face light up with joy he supposed it was worth it. 

But he couldn't let himself be too happy. Loki was still missing and his life they were reading about seemed to be getting worse.


	7. Chapter 7

Jennifer woke up as sun shone in her eyes, signifying early morning. She stretched. She had always been a light sleeper. Going down into the kitchen, she made herself some coffee so that any lingering sleep would also go away. 

She went into the living room but stopped short when she saw Loki, God of Mischief, _sitting_ on the couch. This wasn't right. With his wounds it was supposed to be some time for him to regain consciousness. It wasn't supposed to be _this_ quick. 

Apparently, he woke up right now as he seemed to be looking at himself. She saw him look at the stitches, eyes widening, he quickly brought his hands up to his mouth, feeling around it. She could see the muscles, which were taut with tension, relax visibly. 

She took a step forward and felt something zip past her head. She looked at the wall. A dagger was embedded in it. She gulped now, scared. 

"Who are you? Where am I?" Loki spoke up. He tried to sound indifferent but she could see him picking at his left hand. A nervous tick, perhaps?

She cautiously walked towards him. "Hi, um, my name's Jennifer. You kinda showed up at my door outside."

"What?"

"Yeah you were hurt, badly, and I bandaged you and closed your wounds. Are you alright now?"

Loki was not 'alright' to say the least. His healing was slow. His whole body ached. His head hurt. To top it all off, he was now at some unknown place. He remembered some of what had happened. 

He healed the boy. But the pain, it brought back memories, memories he had locked away. The blood loss had made him delirious and he had moved away from Thor, scared, but what he didn't remember was why he came here, wherever here was. 

A hand waved in front him, snapping him back to reality. "Sorry, you kinda zoned out." This woman, Jennifer, she told her name was, she had helped him. But why? Before he could ask though he was interrupted as a small voice spoke up causing both of them to look towards it. 

At the door a small child, no more than 5 Loki supposed, was standing. He could see a small scar covering the left side of her face. 

"Helena, you're up. What's wrong sweetie?" Jennifer asked. Helena motioned her near and in a very quiet voice, that Loki was only able to hear because of his heritage, said, "Rose is awake."

Jennifer's mouth formed an ‘O’ and she quickly rushed out of the room not before saying, "Stay here." to Loki, towards where he could now hear an infant's cry. As much as it pained him to admit Loki couldn't move even if he wanted to. He was too hurt. Helena was looking at him curiously. He smiled at her a small smile.  
_____________________

Jennifer rushed out of the room. Little Rose was the newest addition to her family, now almost two years old. She was glad she had bottles prepared for the baby if she was hungry. Going into Rose's room where she was wailing her little heart out, Jenny picked her up. Rose immediately stopped. 'Maybe she just wanted some company.'

She checked if the problem was the diaper but that was clear. She sighed in relief. Adjusting Rose in her arms so she'd be comfortable, she went back to Helena. Not finding her at the door, she went into the living room to find that Helena was sitting in Loki's lap whispering something in his ear. 

Loki looked up. "Well, you can go now little one", he said to the little girl who jumped off and ran straight upstairs. Then he looked at Jennifer

"Why so shocked? Is it so surprising that I haven't harmed her yet."

Breaking out of her stupor she started, "No that's not it. It's just Helena isn't very comfortable around others. So I was surprised she took to you that quickly." She said while adjusting Rose who had once again fallen asleep. 

"I see. Well then, if you are free will you answer my questions?"

"Sure. Ask away."

"How long was I out?" 

"You just came last night so not for long, I'd say."

"Where are we?" 

"High Wycombe. It’s near London."

"I'm in Britain?" 

Jennifer was sure she could hear the incredulity in his voice. "Yep."

"No wonder my magic is so low." he muttered to himself, then proceeded to ask the question that was bothering him the most, "Why did you help me?"

“I am a doctor after all, and it's my duty to help people. And you needed it."

"So. you require something from me in return?"

"Nope. I just wanted to help." she grinned. 

Loki glared at the mortal woman in front of him. He didn't need anyone's help. But dismissing that thought he asked the last question, "Are these children the only ones you have?"

"What?"

Loki wanted to roll his eyes but stopped himself, "Your children? Are these two the only ones you have?"

"Oh no no no.These kids aren't mine. They're adopted. There are a total of seven children here. I'll introduce them when they wake up." 

"They're adopted?" Loki spat out the word. That same word that had ruined his life. It changed everything for him. 

Jennifer nodded sadly, not noticing Loki's expression. "All the kids here, they were left at my doorstep. They had clear signs of abuse or neglect. Rose was left just six months ago. Helena was found with her face badly burned. The scar is from that."

Loki's face softened. "Why - why would parents do that to their own?" he stammered, his own memories rising up. He quickly pushed them down not wanting to seem weak. 

"I don't know really. Sometimes it's depression, sometimes hate and sometimes parents even think they're doing good for their kids.” She continued,

"They never realize they are wrong until it's too late."

Shaking her head she looked at Loki who seemed to be processing her words. "So, how are you feeling?" she asked again. 

Loki shrugged in response glad for the immediate change in topic. "I could be better."

This woman was different. She didn't see him with hate. It was nice to say the least. He started picking at his hand again. 

She smiled, "Well, I don't think you have any place to stay, do you?" Loki shook his head. "Well then it's decided, until you get better, you're staying here. If you want to?"

To say Loki was stunned would be an understatement. A woman he barely knew was willing to let him stay in her house. He couldn't believe it and yet he couldn't detect any lies either. She was sincere in her offer. But still…. 

"Why would you let me stay? For all you know I may be wanted." He conjured another dagger in his hand to intimidate her. 

"Look if you wanted to kill me you would have done so. I don't know why but I think I can trust you. And as a doctor, I am bound to see my patients heal."

"I- thank you, Ms. Jennifer. Then I would be very glad to stay." He gave a small smile, vanishing his dagger. 

Jennifer clapped her hands. One thing she could tell about him was that he wasn't a bad guy. And she always trusted her instincts. "Great, then.", she extended her hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you. And call me Jenny."

Loki shook her extended hand after a moment of thought, a small smile formed on his lips but before he could complete the greeting the small figure of Helena ran up to them with a few new faces peeking from the door. Apparently the whole family was up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the fic. I appreciate it.   
> Oh and Readers meet Jenny and her family. 
> 
> Hope you liked it. Sorry for OOC-ness or typos that managed to get past.


	8. Chapter 8

Tony had a headache. A terrible, terrible headache. And it's cause was a simple looking black book now sitting on his table, visibly innocent looking. This book, that belonged to Loki, was in fact not so innocent. 

They had managed to read some of the entries. And almost nothing in this damn book was anything good. The only thing they read about Loki was that he was the black sheep of the family. 

He was not trusted by anyone because of his ability to manipulate words. Everyone practically straight out hated him. They treated him as if he was nothing more than a con-man. 

And the greatest part of this information was that Loki was treated the same way here. 

In Asgard if anything went wrong they blamed it on Loki. That wasn't right. The only person who seemed to love him as he was was his mother. And apparently his 'dad' loved beating the hell out of him, whether it be emotionally or physically. 

The first time Loki mentioned punishments for doing something wrong or bad, both Bruce and Tony assumed that it was the usual no meals or being sent to his room. Oh, how wrong they were. 

The entry that revealed his punishments, in Tony's opinion, were bad. Real bad. Apparently he was only ranting but what he wrote made Tony feel like his dad was an angel. The entry read:

_I hate Odin. I hate him, hate him, hate him. I had lied once again today. I lied about breaking the pillar in the hall. Lied, like I always do. Because if Odin found out I was sure that I would be punished._

_Thor would never be though. I do not understand why it is that whenever he does something wrong he gets away with merely some scolding while I am locked away without food or water for a few days._

_I am sure I deserve it though. I am weak, I can never be good as Thor, or strong, so I am punished._

_I am certain my mother does not know of these because she would never allow it. But… I do not tell her only to be disappointed again. I believe that out of everyone in Asgard mother is the only one who actually cares what happens to me. And if she does know of them I don't know what I will do._

_Thor does too, I am sure, but ever since he had started to spend time with Lady Sif and the Warrior Three he sees me less and less. But I changed the topic didn't I?_

_I should write about what Odin did to me. But is there any purpose to writing this? No one will ever read it. I won't let anyone read it. And yet when I write to you I imagine I am telling an old friend. My shoulders feel less burdened._

_Thus I will continue. Mother was, at that moment, in Vanaheim on some matters regarding trade between our realms. It wasn't as if I had meant to break it. I merely slipped up in casting the spell but I am certain Odin would not believe me._

_I was scared so I lied. Yet I didn't check my surroundings. And apparently Lady Sif was nearby during the mishap. She told Odin. He doesn't like it when I Iie. He says that lying is for thieves, not princes._

_I was punished again. This time though, I was whipped. Only three times but they hurt. The feeling of burning and pain mixed together. My back is still aching. It will heal before Mother arrives. I should tell her but I am fearful of Odin. I know that once Mother goes away again he might hurt me more._

_I miss Mother. I wonder when she'll be back. I hope she's alright._

Tony sighed. They had stopped reading after Bruce persisted that they should sleep at night. But Tony wasn't sleepy at all. He got up hiding the book carefully. He needed a drink. 

Actually tomorrow when they read he was going to keep two to three bottles of scotch. He would be in dire need of them.  
_______________________  
Bruce wasn't feeling good. In fact, he was feeling horrible. They had read quite a lot of Loki's journal and they had only found pain. There were only a few rare moments when he was actually happy. Other than that, his journal felt like an ocean with undulating waves that just settled for a moment or two.

Everything they read was filled only with hate, hurt or lies. The fact that he was constantly pursued by other kids just so they could beat him did not make him feel better. Why would it? 

Bruce wondered if that was the reason his strongest spells were illusions, cloaking, shape shifting and teleportation. If he used this to hide himself and now he just does it subconsciously whenever he feels threatened. 

One thing was certain though, Loki was slowly getting depressed and angry. It was evident how his writing pattern had changed. He also seemed to blame himself for being weak. He was insecure. 

Bruce remembered quite well what Loki had written about himself after a training session went horribly wrong. 

_Why am I so weak? Why can't I be strong just like Thor? He can defeat multiple foes all at once whereas I can't take on one._

_Everyone says that I am weak. I wish they would all stop speaking behind my back. I know I am weak. I try to become strong. I work hard. But I know that I will never be able to catch up to Thor, especially when it concerns physical prowess._

_I can only compensate for my lack of strength with my magic. And yet people don't understand that. When I fight with magic they call them tricks and a cheater. When I pick a sword they laugh at me, taunt me._

_They do this relentlessly. Never stopping. It's all my fault. I am incompetent. I am inadequate. No matter how much I work I will never amount to anything. They say that all the time and slowly I find myself believing it. Why shouldn't I? It is obvious, I am weak._

_But I will still work hard and I am certain one day they all will be eating their own words. I'll make sure of it. One day. Also I have learnt a spell that will allow me to clone myself or others. They are merely illusions but I have to practice against someone as no one else wishes to do so._

_I am glad mother gave you as a gift to me. When I write in you I feel as if a great burden has been lifted. I will go practice now but I will write in you later._

Bruce laid down on the bed and closed his eyes trying to sleep but his thoughts were racing and they all stopped at a single pivotal point, Loki. No matter how many routes of distractions he took, Loki was becoming the destination.

Knowing he wouldn't be getting sleep which he so desperately needed, he opened the last drawer and took out his sleeping pills. Taking them, he closed his eyes and was soon out like a light. 

Before he completely succumbed to sleep one thought crossed his mind,

'I wonder how Loki is right now.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short I know but hey, there s the second one as well. So enjoy.
> 
> Also thank you for reading. Sorry for any mistakes.


	9. Chapter 9

_Apparently the whole family was up._

The kids were all huddled up at the door peeking inside curious to see who it was but not enough for a closer look. 

Jenny seeing them awake called them inside but no one made a move except Helena who was already inside walked over and sat besides Loki. Apparently she had taken quite a liking to the mischief maker. 

Jenny sighed, "Well guess it'll take a little time for them to get used to you." Loki only grinned boyishly while listening to Helena who was once again whispering to him. Jenny got up. "Guess I'll just go make breakfast as everyone's awake."

Leaving the room, with the kids still huddled at the door, and a now awake Rosie squirming in her arms, she made her way to the kitchen. 

Setting the one year old in her high chair she got to boil Rosie's milk. Once it was lukewarm she handed the bottle to Rosie who would have made a fuss otherwise. 

"So what shall we make today hmm?" she asked and received her answer from the only other person in the room. 

"Baba ga ta wafa."

"Oh that's a great idea. We're going to make waffles today." she grinned at Rosie who smiled glad that her Jenny had gotten her message loud and clear. Rosie watched with fascination as Jenny took out a bowl and mixed all the ingredients in. 

Thirty minutes later there were waffles for everyone. Jenny looked at the small stacks of waffles on each plate, sighing at how much the children could eat. She hoped Loki would like them too. Then again what did he eat?

She went to the living room once again only to find the children were now sitting in front of Loki who sat cross-legged on the sofa with a dark green shirt on telling some story of a dragon.   
______  
As soon as Jenny had left the room Loki looked towards the kids. Three boys and two girls were standing there. They all looked equal parts scared and curious. Summoning his magic he put on a dark green shirt earning a 'whoa' from the doorway. 

He smirked. Even scared children always found a fascination in his magic. Feeling a gentle tug on his shoulder he looked towards Helena who quietly asked him if he could show more magic tricks. 

Fifteen minutes later he found himself entertaining six children by telling them of an adventure he and Thor went to when they were younger. He knew that his brother would be worried but he didn't want to see him right now. 

He didn't want to give an explanation for his behavior nor did he want to remember what he so desperately tried to forget. 

A little while later Jenny came making him stop his story. "Alright kids food's ready. All of you go wash your hands and sit down to eat." Jennifer informed the children who were absorbed in the story. 

Groans of protest were heard bit they still got up to eat. Jenny sat down next to Loki grinning. "Seriously saying this, you truly have a talent when it comes to children."

"It is no talent. I am a weaver of words. Children like things that capture their interest and that is exactly what I did."

"Whatever you say. Say, where on earth did you get that shirt from?" Jenny couldn't help it she was curious.

Loki, this time did roll his eyes and answered, "Through magic I have created an inter-dimensional space in which I can store anything. I get my daggers from there as well."

"Whoa that actually sounds like a neat power." before she could ask anything further a cheer was heard from the kitchen, "Waffles."

Jenny chuckled while Loki looked confused. "Are you hungry? I made food for you too."

Though Loki could go days without eating it would have been rude to say otherwise especially when she actually went through the trouble of it. "I suppose some sustenance would be quite welcome. It will help my healing as well."

Getting up Jenny offered her hand to him which he didn't take. He got up himself and followed her into the kitchen where all the children were quite patiently waiting for food. 

Loki sat down in one of the chairs feeling a bit dizzy because he was still healing. He wondered how long it would be until he was fully healed. Most probably a week or two. At least there weren't any broken bones.   
______  
Whilst Jennifer served waffles to the children she noticed Loki looked a bit weak. Even if he had healed a lot in a short span of time he shouldn't have pushed himself like that. He was still hurt. 

Setting his plate in front of him she sat down as well. He looked at his food curiously. "Loki, did you ever have waffles before?"

Looking up from his inspection of his plate he replied, "I believe they have been mentioned before but I haven't tasted them."

Sighing and slightly chuckling she told their recipe and how he could eat them. Apparently he took to the idea of them being coated in chocolate as he did exactly that and started eating eliciting a joyful hum on his first bite. 

After everyone was done and dishes were cleaned he said, "These were very delicious. I enjoyed them thoroughly."

"Thanks Loki. Now how about I introduce you to everyone?"

At his nod she started, "Well you've already met Rosie and Helena. The next in line are the twins Fred and Georgina. They're six."Loki mentally laughed and wondered if they were just as mischievous. 

"Next is Mary. She's eight years old and her brother Samuel is the oldest at nine."

"It's a pleasure to meet you all." Loki smiled. The children smiled back a little tentatively but still happy. Somehow, he actually thought that this wouldn't be so bad. 

Mary for the first time spoke up, "Mister Loki are you gonna finish the story?"

"First off a call me Loki. I'm not that old by earth's standard to be called mister. And we'll finish that story at night okay?"

"How old are you?" Fred and Georgina spoke in unison. 

Loki raised an eyebrow. "And why would you want to know?"

"Actually even I'm curious. How old are you? And what did you mean by earth's standard?" Jenny inquired. 

Loki sighed, "And why pray do tell are you interested but if you are interested I am," he seemed to think about it a little, "1056 give or take."

Before further conversation could be conducted the front bell rung and a voice called, "Guess who's here?"

"Auntie Maria." All the children scrambled off the chairs and ran to said aunt. Loki seemed a bit relieved and Jenny was quite simply still processing the information about his age. 

Before she could say anything a woman in her early twenties wearing a jacket with short hair came in the kitchen and screamed, scaring everyone.  
_____  
Jenny rushed out of her chair towards her best friend and intern who apparently was screaming at the fact that the God of Mischief was sitting with her on the table. "Maria I can explain."

She turned to glare at her, "You had Loki over for breakfast and you didn't tell me." With that she went over to Loki who had stood up and said, "Will you sign my hat?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm your biggest fan. Please sign my hat."

"I-I okay?"

With that she thrust a pen in his hand and gave her hat which she signed. Squealing she hugged the hat and Loki and went off with the kids. 

"What just happened?"

"Honestly speaking I have no idea but hey apparently you have a fan." Jenny grinned.   
______  
It was nighttime and Loki was lying on the couch pondering about his day. He had to admit, it had gone better than he had expected. After the little episode with Jenny's intern Maria he had actually enjoyed his time with everyone considering that he rarely did. 

Maria was a little enthusiastic, quite child-like and apparently a great admirere of him which he still was wrapping his head around. They all asked him about his magic and though it was a bit strange it felt quite nice. 

His thoughts drifted back to his brother. He really hoped Thor was taking care of himself. Thor had a tendency to worry aimlessly. If Loki had enough magic he would have gladly gone back to tell Thor that he was alright but as it was his magic was low and long-distance travel was out of the option. 

'Well," he thought, "I really hope Thor manages to survive for a week or two." before drifting off.   
_____  
In New Asgard, Thor was currently sitting on the porch of his home thinking about his missing brother and drinking beer. If only he didn't have his duty as a king he would have scoured the Earth for Loki. 

He really hoped Loki was alright. He always did have a faster healing rate. He thought about what Nebula said, "He's been through worse." He had thought about it alot. How much did Loki hide from him? Was there something else he hadn't told him? When did Loki start hiding things? 

The more he thought the worst he felt. He blamed himself. He should have paid more attention to Loki when they were little instead he thought only about himself. By the time he actually learned selflessness it was too late. 

"Hey Thor you worried about Lackey?" Valkyrie's voice came from behind him. 

"He is my brother. Of course I'm worried about him." 

"Well don't be. He's one tough idiot. He'll be alright."

"But still-" he brought the bottle to his lips. 

Val snatched Thor's bottle, "Look your brother is strong in his own way. If your douting his strength your doubting him. He's one of the strongest sorcerers in the nine realms. So have some faith in your brother."

With that she got up, "Come on Your Highness you need sleep." Thor put his arm around Val's shoulder and she half carried half dragged him to his bedroom. 

Once he settled in Thor spoke up, "Valkyrie thank you."

"Anytime my king." she said for once not sarcastic. "But don't tell Lackey I said that. His ego will become more inflated." 

This caused Thor to smile and finally drift off as well, dreaming about times when they were younger and naïve children.

Valkyrie also left chugging the cheap beer and thinking about the idiot who was missing. He was her friend on Sakaar and a good bickering partner. She took another sip and mumbled, "Well Lackey where ever you are I hope your alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters for today. Because I honestly can't remember if I posted yesterday or not. 
> 
> Enjoy.


	10. Chapter 10

"Dammit!" Tony cursed as he dodged another blast at a Hydra airship. They may have destroyed one part of that damned organization but apparently there were more out there. 

SHIELD was working on eradicating these but that didn't mean they would sit still and do nothing. 'And today they decided to throw a little party.' Tony thought caustically. 

He had to admit for a villain it was the perfect time. The Avengers busy with the field trip that was scheduled for today. They never saw it coming. 

Steve and Wanda were protecting the children and escorting them out quickly while Falcon and Vision provided air support. Thor had been called and said he was coming.

Not that they couldn't handle a few goon but it would be easier to protect the kids without having to protect the kids. 

Shooting another helicopter Tony looked to the left as he saw someone with a very distinct red and blue suit. "Peter!" he shouted into the comm link. 

"Hey Mr. Stark." a reply came back, sounding quite nervous. 

"What are you doing here? You could get hurt." Tony couldn't help but worry. That child was going to be the death of him one day. He never felt older than he did right now. 

"No no it's fine. I promise I'll be careful. Besides you need all the help you can get."

Before he could tell Peter that this was a bad idea Friday's vouce alerted Tony, "Boss on your left."

Tony quickly formed a shield with his nanobots against the incoming energy blasts which sent him hurtling back. Before he could recover another blast came from his left knocking him into a building. 

He heard the panicked voice of Peter coming though the comm but couldn't register what it was saying. His suit was malfunctioning. His vision was going blurry. 

Before he passed out he heard the familiar sound of thunder in the distance. Apparently Thor had arrived. He smirked before succumbing to unconsciousness.   
_____________________  
Tony woke up to bright lights and the consistent beep of a heart monitor. Slowly he got up, noticing he was in the medical bay of the Avengers Tower. He also noticed that someone was holding his hand. 

And that someone turned out to be Peter Parker. He gently shook the sleping teen to wake him up. 

"Hey Underoos. Wake up."

Peter blearily opened his eyes trying to remember where he was. As soon as he saw Tony awake the cobwebs from his brain disappeared and Tony found himself with an armful of Peter Parker. 

"Mr. Srark I'm so sorry. It was all my fault. If I wasn't talking to you then you could've stopped the beam and wouldn't be hurt. But we managed to stop them. No one else was hurt either." Peter started rambling but was stopped by Tony. 

Bringing Peter at arms lenght he softly spoke to him. "Peter relax. It wasn't your fault."

"But I-"

"No buts buddy. It wasn't your fault.", he asserted. "Okay?" Peter nodded. "Good. But if you ever disobey me again I'm gonna take your suit away."

Peter gave a wet smile before hugging him again. A voice sounded from behind them. "Peter don't you think that you should go rest now? Tony is awake now. And as you can see back to his old self."

Peter looked towards Bruce Banner, a sheepish look plastered on it. "Alright Doctor Banner." With that he rushed off leaving the two alone. 

"So how long was I out?", Tony asked Bruce who was giving him a fibal checkup. 

After writing something on his clipboard he replied, "Two days. Peter was worried sick about you. Didn't sleep at all. Stubborn kid. But you're all better now."

Tony was surprised. This was a lot longer than he'd imagine. He still had to read the diary! He got up quickly which was a mistake because he suddenly felt dizzy causing him to grip the bed for support. 

"I think it'll be better if you ate something first." Bruce suggested. Tony could only nod as he was busy being annoyed at his weak state. 

After a light meal he felt much better. He got up, slowly this time. After changing from the hospital garb to his own clothes he looked towards Bruce he asked, "So you coming down to the lab or not?"

Bruce nodded. He hadn't read the diary without Tony. He was too busy taking care of everyone that got hurt and he knew if he did Tony would be angry. 

While going down Tony asked for the details of the battle which Bruce described the best he could. "So Thor's gone?"

"Yeah. He said the New Asgard was almost completed and a few things were left that he had to look over."

"What about Loki?"

Bruce shook his head. "Stephen is looking for some stronger tracking spell. And SHIELD hasn't made any progress either. It's almost as if he's disappeared."

They stopped at the lab door. Both thinking about Loki and whether he was ever going to be found. They went in and Tony locked the door while Brucd brought the diary out of whatever corner he had hidden it. 

Once again they sat down to read it hoping that there would be something good that happened in the Silvertougue's life. Tony opened from where they left off. 

_I was wrong to think that Thor would always be by my side. It was my misconception, my misunderstanding that I would always have the support of my brother._

_Granted it was my mistake. I should have noticed the change in his behavior. The way he had started carrying himself. The way he started boasting of his conquests. I should have known that if he spent so much time with them they would start to rub off on him…. I shouldn't have ignored it._

_And yet I did. I took his boasting as enthusiasm, his arrogance as confidence. And now he mocks me along with his friends. He no longer defends me from their insults but joins in with them calling me many things ranging from a fool to an **Argr.** _

_He mocks what is my greatest strength because he sees it as a weakness. And perhaps it is. It is nothing more than tricks and illusions. A coward's way of fighting as they say._

_I remember when we were younger Thor would come in after his fighting lessons just to see what new magic I had learned. He used to have an awed expression on his face and seeing that I actually felt special. I used to think at those times that if no one else cares at least he cared. At least… I still have Thor to acknowledge what I’m capable of._

_But now…… I don't think that I will ever amount to anything. I should tell someone about this, about all that I feel. But then again what is the point? I don't want this. I don't want to lose the only friend I had just because I am a weakling._

_Does someone like me deserve no one to talk to? To spend time with? To play with? What did I do to be treated like nothing but an outcast? Is it that wrong to use magic to fight? I hate this. I hate all of this._

_How is any of this fair? Lately I've felt nothing. No longer do those words hurt. Those insults stab. I feel nothing. I just feel this emptiness inside that I can't describe. The only thing that I do feel is anger directed at myself. For being weak, for being this…… this different from everyone else._

_Why couldn't I be born like the rest of them? Why couldn't I have been born strong physically instead of having a talent for skills that are not considered useful, for skills that I am ostracized from everyone?_

_I don't like being alone yet I have been given such a reputation. No one else wishes to spend time with me. Just. Because. I. Am. A. Weakling._

Tony and Bruce looked at each other. Apparently there hopes were all dashed into pieces.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in so long. Here's the next chapter. 
> 
> Oh and before I forget 
> 
> **WARNING: _This chapter contains Self-harm. Do not, I repeat, do NOT read if you are easily triggered._**

_Apparently their hopes were dashed into pieces._

Tony went to the fridge im the corner and brought out a bottle of scotch. Pepper didn't know about and and she didn't have to. Pouring the drink he gulped it down. He poured another one. 

And opened the next pages. 

Bruce, who at the moment was resting his head against his hands also took a drink. He felt as if he needed it. His screen lit up. 

_Thor's teasing has become more frequent. He keeps doing it. Calling me out, mocking me. And he doesn't stop boasting. The only thing he seems to talk about now is his adventures and conquests. Nothing more. And nothing less._

_'I went on a grand adventure today……'_

_'A feast shall be held as me and my friends have brought this game from our hunting trip…'_

_All he ever talks about is himself. All those praises have gone to his head. He was a reckless oaf but now he's suicidal. He'll get himself killed one day. And this idiot is supposed to be heir to the throne. The crown prince._

_Why doesn't mother try to stop this behavior? But then again I highly doubt Thor will listen. I just wish he would stop teasing me. There is a limit to how much I can take._

_Everytime I use magic he calls me a trickster, if I pick up a sword he laughs at my attempts. I have decided to use daggers as my main weapon. They can be stored quite easily._

_But of course Thor would find a mistake in that as well. And at seeing the crown prince tease the second son others also believe it to be their right._

_Lady Sif and the Warrior Three seem to have taken it upon themselves to degrade me in any way possible, for things I do and for those that I do not. If someone's possession is missing I am blamed._

_They don't understand that I get punished for this. Every word I speak is taken as a lie by the All-father. I have to go without food for a few days. It's a good thing I can survive without sustenance for extended periods of time but then there are moments when the punishments are harsher……_

_They heal within time so it is not a problem. But I do wish they would stop. I wish I could tell Mother all of this but I am scared. Scared that Odin might give thought out worse punishments. Or maybe Mother may not care._

_That can't be possible. I know that Mother does love me... but what if I am wrong?_

Bruce sighed but continued. 

_Dammit dammit dammit. I don't know what to do anymore. Everywhere I go people whisper, people stare, people mock. Same constant cycle. Nothing else. Not even a slight change in behaviour._

_Why can't I just be left to my own devices? Why must I be berated at every turn? It is either what I hear or the praises of Thor, Lady Sif and the Warrior Three around the castle._

_As if that brainless oaf needed any more a reason to become more prideful. Even Odin does not stop talking about the achievements of Thor. 'Thor this, Thor that…'._

_Why must they praise him for everything that he does? I learn spells, I invent spells and yet all I hear is scoffing or criticism. They don't even know the first thing about magic and they talk about it._

_These words they mutter. They make me angry. Angry and hopeless. I feel angry at myself. I feel hopeless because I do not believe I will ever be acknowledged the same way as Thor._

_The only praise I ever received was from Mother. I stopped taking lessons from her some time ago as I had learned everything she could teach me._

_I have never once heard Odin praise me and for some reason I doubt if he ever will. Am I really that worthless? That belittle? To be ignored? Not to be appreciated in any manner? No matter how many times I have tried to prove myself it always fell short to Thor._

_This emptiness inside of me, it seems to be getting worse. I feel hollow. Almost as if, inside, nothing is left. I don't like this feeling. I have never liked it and yet it will not go away._

In Bruce's opinion this was not looking good. He was starting to doubt everything he did. He was insecure and the bullying wasn't helping. 

Bruce wondered if Loki was still as insecure. He didn't seem that way. He always presented himself as confident and sure of himself. But he wasn't known as the God of Lies for nothing. 

What if everything he had shown about himself was a lie. What if he was still the same as when he wrote this diary. Scrolling he went to the next bit. 

He heard Tony mutter something and drink two glasses. Bruce couldn't help but worry. What was it that Tony read causing him to react like that?

_I accidentally cut my hand today while sharpening my dagger. It was deep. Quite deep. And yet for some reason I enjoyed the pain. It was different. It took my mind off of things._

_When it was bleeding and aching, I only thought about it. All other thoughts were gone. That emptiness that I felt was gone and all that remained was the pain in my palm._

_The pain that was urging me to heal it. To seek assistance. To bandage it. My thoughts revolved around that pain. It somehow felt as if it was all in the world. I never felt like this before._

_The pain after my punishments does not make me think only about that. My thoughts, even through all that pain, revolve around why it happened to me? Why?_

_And yet, now my thoughts were not on why it happened. Just a recurring thought went through my head and that was that my palm hurts and I need to heal it. It was different. I don't know why though._

'No it couldn't be that.' Bruce read further hoping it wasn't what he thought it was. 

_I shouldn't have done it again. I really shouldn't have. I was curious. But more than that I wanted the emptiness to go away. I cut myself again. Several times in fact. And I did it on purpose._

_I noticed my healing is slower when I hurt myself. It still heals but at a slower rate. I have tried it. Many times. I've cut myself. I don't know why I did it and yet every time I do I feel as if the world revolves around that pain._

_It's as if there is nothing else. That hollowness in my chest disappears. That hopelessness fades away. That anger dissipates and all that remains is pain._

_It's so much better than the worthlessness I feel. So much better. I feel as if I'm in control of something in my cursed life even if it is my pain._  
__________________

_It's been sometime but I still haven't stopped. I still do it. My arms are now full of silver lines. Thin. Many times I use my dagger or any sharp object I can get my hands on._

_I do it only when the despair is too much to handle. When I feel as if I will be swallowed by my own worthless existence. Or when my anger at Thor or someone else raises to a point where I want to hit them._

_At moments like these I rush to my room, take out my knife and put a cut or two on my arms. Just to get me back to reality. It helps. The anger, the despair, it goes away. The pain is the only thing that remains._

_The pain, it feels as if it is a blessing in disguise. It brings me a strange sense of peace and pleasure. I cannot describe it and yet I cannot stop myself either._

_I know I shouldn't do it. I should stop. But I don't want to stop. I don't want to. This is the only thing that keeps the emptiness away._

_The only thing that keeps my thoughts away. My thoughts which make me think I'm worth nothing. I'm useless. I don't want to stop._  
_________________

_Mother found out. She didn't knock. She was supposed to be gone. She had a treaty to sort out and she wasn't supposed to be back until later. But she did._

_She came. She saw me. My dagger over my arm, bloodied. My arm is bleeding. Dripping. I had been quite angry. I got up. I got up to explain, to look at her face better._

_She wasn't disgusted. But I saw something on her face I could only decipher as horror and worry. As soon as I started to explain she only embraced me._

_I felt my shoulder being soaked and strangely warm. Mother was crying. On my behalf. Tears streamed down her cheeks. I felt bad. So bad. For making her cry. For doubting her love for me._

_I couldn't help it. All that pent up frustration, hopelessness everything came out. I started to cry. I didn't care because she was my mother. She didn't care whether I was weak or not._

_She hugged me. She cried for me. She worried for me. She bandaged my arms even though I told her that they will heal by themselves._

_She made me promise never to do something like this again. If something bothers me I should go to her. I promised and I will not cut but I do not want to trouble her with my worries._

_She doesn't need to know. I won't harm myself again but I won't tell her all my problems. She is the queen as well as my mother._

_She has problems and I do not want to add more to them. But I do feel bad making her cry. I will not harm myself again. I'll find some other way to forget but I will not worry her again. Never again._

"Oh God." Bruce muttered.   
__________________  
As soon as Tony read this he felt an urge to curse. So he did. And then he drank. He drank two shots. They burned his throat as they went down. That felt good. 

Now he felt worse. 'He used to inflict harm upon himself.' he thought. He noticed that as Bruce kept on reading he started becoming a little green but not because of the hulk. 

Tony drank another shot. "Oh God.", he heard Bruce say. Bruce turned towards him. "He-he, you read that too right?" Bruce stammered. He seemed to be in shock. 

Tony only nodded. They had a lot too think about. They decided this was enough revelations for the day and went off to do something else. Anything that would take their minds off of what they read. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it. Tell me what u think. Sorry for any mistakes.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. Hope ur all well. I've got a new chapter. Hope you like it.

Loki woke up with a stretch and got out of the bed. Jenny had a spare bedroom and she had given it to him. Entering the bathroom he stood in front of the sink, looking at the reflection in the mirror. 

Now, in place of his long black hair and pale skin, stood a man with short brown hair and slightly tanned skin. He still looked like himself but at the same time someone completely different. His eyes though, were the same green they always had been. 

On the second day he started staying at this house, he decided to change his looks. His lips twitched, remembering Jenny's reaction. He was certain if she had been older she would have had a heart attack. He was living under a false identity, naming himself Luke Smith. Jennifer Austin's cousin. 

He had to admit it was quite entertaining to watch the confusion on other people's face people when they saw him. He could see the frustration behind their eyes as they tried to remember where they had seen him but come up balnk. Shaking his head he completed his daily routines and went upstairs. 

He dodged George barely who was running away from Jennifer screaming, "Why fight when we can negotiate?" Loki chuckled as Jenny ran by, George's jumper in hand and covered in paint. He knew very well Fred was waiting to throw water at Jenny next. Those two really did loved living up to their names. 

"Loki, please give Rosie her bottle.", she told him whilst running after the terror twins know as Fred and George, now completely wet. 

Loki entered the kitchen. Helena, Samuel and Mary were enjoying their cereal. Rosie, getting a little fussy, was pointing towards her bottle on the counter. Handing the bottle to the little child, he braced himself as his legs were grabbed by Helena in a hug from behind. 

The little girl beamed up at him, a gap in her teeth now visible. Smiling softly he bent down and picked her up. Helena had become quite attached to the Silvertongue. Setting her in her seat he waited for Jenny. 

A few moments later she came in, a pouting Fred and George behind her. Looking at her wet state he smiled innocently earning a very baleful glare in return. "You couldn't have helped?"

"I assure you I would have helped if my entertainment was not at stake. But as I was enjoying myself I really couldn't stop."

"You're insufferable you know that?"

"You missed know-it-all.", Loki smirked. Then he flicked his hand, drying Jenny. 

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Thank you." She diverted ger attention to the kids Alright kids are you all done?" At the collective yes, Loki decided to let Jennifer have it easy and used his magic to clean the dishes and place them in there proper place. 

Jenny, thanking him once again, took the kids to their school.   
______________________________  
Jenny came back after dropping the children to their schools. She went into the living room and was greeted by the site of Rosie sitting in Loki's lap laughing. They were watching Baby Looney Tunes by the looks of it.

"Unca Lolo wabbi pata vewa daf ni lo.", Rosie explained to Loki in her little baby language. Lolo was what she called Loki. He was quite surprised when he had heard it and even though Loki protested, Jenny knew he didn't really mind. 

"Hmm, that is quite interesting." Loki's reply snapped Jenny out of her thoughts. She grinned. He was talking to her like he understood what she had said. 

"Why won't you just admit your good with kids?", she questioned. 

"Because I am not.", he denied. She still didn't understand why though. "Shouldn't you be at work? I was quite certain that mortals had jobs that brought in income."

Jenny heavily sat down on one of the smaller couches. She looked at Loki. It had been four days and yet she still felt a bit weirded out by his short, brown hair. Or maybe it was just her. When Maria saw his new look Jenny was certain a few sparkles were flying around her.

"You staring. And you haven't answered my question." Loki spoke, bouncing Rosie on his knee, eliciting giggle from the little girl.

"Oh I'm not going today. Maria is there. She'll call if anything serious comes up." Jenny ran a clinic in the small, peaceful town of High Wycombe. The worst she normally dealt with were colds and small wounds. And in all honesty Jenny was quite glad for the peaceful life after the war. 

"Oh and I think it's time to change your bandages Uncle Lolo.", she teased. Loki gave a sour look making Jenny laugh quite hard.  
____________________________  
Bandages were strewn everywhere. Loki's wounds were now healing at quite a slow rate, which annoyed Jenny. She had asked why. His reply was something like:

"I believe at that moment my wounds were fatal. My sedir must have reacted after sensing the threat to my life and used maximum reserves to heal them."

Right now Loki's wounds looked a little better. There were no infections so that was a good sign. None of his scars were visible either, him using an illusion to cover them up. 

Once the bandaging was done, Jenny sat down. Rosie at the moment was playing with her stuffed animals. Jenny started recording it. She couldn't help it. Rosie looked so cute, with her soft cheeks and little blue dress. In two minutes she had joined her on the floor. 

"Say Loki?", she called for the attention of the trickster who had conjured "The Golden Compass" from somewhere and was reading it. "Why's your body temperature so low?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you're warm to the touch but I took your temperature and you seemed to have a body temperature of about 10°C. Why? Do all Asgardians have it?"

Loki closed his eyes. He was hoping to avoid this topic. He never really liked to talk about what he was even if he had come to terms with it. It always brought painful memories. 

Jenny could see his reluctance. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.", she offered. 

Loki opened his eyes, staring ay her, before sighing. "No it's fine. My temperature is like so low because I am not Asgardian."

"Huh?"

"I am a frost giant. They are monsters that parents tell their children at night. They are enemies of Asgard, heartless and uncaring."

"Then you must be really different because your nothing like that."

"You have known me for a total of five days. Can you truly form an opinion of me that quickly?"

At this she gave a soft smile. "Loki, the kids are excellent judges of character. And they love you. So I think I'll trust my kids' judgement here. And besides my gut says the same thing."

"And that is?"

"Unca Lolo. Nice." Rosie's spoke then proceeded to giggle. Jenny look towards a bewildered Loki. "Exactly that."

"You trust me too quickly then." Loki was quite adamant on proving to others that he wasn't that good as they claimed to be. 

"Hmm maybe. But like I said, I trust my intuition. Call it maternal instincts if you will."

Loki only huffed and started reading his book again. Jenny taking this as a sign that the conversation was over, frowned and diverted her attention towards Rosie again. But she didn't fail to hear the whispered 'thank you' making her feel quite happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think. Thank you for reading. Sorry for any typos or mistakes that still managed to get past.


	13. Chapter 13

Tony at the current moment could say he was thoroughly and utterly drunk. Pepper was going to kill him. But maybe death was better that this damn guilt in his chest. 

Seriously, it had been a whole day since he had last touched that damned black book. And he was still drinking. Pepper was really going to kill him. Either that or the extreme hangover he would feel after this would. Tony believed it would be the hangover as Pepper was away. 

Tony rested his head on the counter, a glass still in his hand but empty. He heard the elevator door open. He wanted to tell whoever it was that had entered his personal rooms to get the hell out but couldn't find the energy to do so. 

"Oh God Tony, what happened to you?", Tony heard the soft tone of his science bro. He looked up, his face splitting into a big grin. 

"Brucie, my partner in crime. Come in, come in." He proceeded to take out a glass from the shelf. 

Facing towards Bruce who sat on the stool, looking around nervously, he asked, "So, what would you like?" Without even receiving an answer he poured a shot. 

"Nothing really. And I think you should stop too."

"What? Why? I'm fine. Just a little tipsy. Nothing more." Tony found it funny that not two minutes ago did he declare himself drunk and was now denying it. 

Bruce only gave him an incredulous look. Tony tried to use his muddled brain to think of a different topic. "So, watcha doin' here?" 

"I wanted to show you something-", Tony congratulated himself on successfully changing the topic, "-but seeing as your too drunk to function I'll tell you later."

Tony frowned. "I'm fine, Brucie. Your worried for nothing y'know." To show that he raised another full glass to his mouth. Before he could down it's contents Bruce snatched the glass from him. 

"Hey that's mine."

"Why are you even drinking that much?"

Tony stayed silent. He didn't want to tell him it was because of someone who was at the moment missing, hurt and went by the name of Loki. So, he kept his mouth shut. 

Bruce stared at him for a second. "It's because of Loki isn't it?"

"Nooo."

Bruce only raised an eyebrow. And seeing him sitting there, Tony realized he could tell Bruce. Bruce would understand right? And so, his brain, filled with a drunken haze, willed his tongue to speak. 

"You know Bruce, I've got a lot of things on my mind. There's Peter and Harley. They're two kids I adopted without even realizing it. And I'm so worried about them. Then there's Pepper. She wants me to work. I hate those stupid e-mails she sends me about the company.", Tony complained. 

And all of you guys too. But you know what the biggest thing on my mind is." Tony paused. Flexed his hand, then continued as if nothing happened. 

"Loki. I feel so bad. I mean, the poor guy had nothing good on Asgard except for his mum. And all I did, instead of giving him a second chance, was make his life just as bad. And I feel horrible about it."  
_____________________________  
And Tony sat there, telling all his thoughts to Bruce. Bruce knew that Tony must've been really drunk to tell this much. But he knew Tony had to get this off if his chest. 

And they sat there with, Tony talking and Bruce listening. After a few hours, Tony started dosing. Bruce shook his head and gently woke the dosing Tony up. 

"Wha- what do you want?", he grumbled. 

"Come on Tony. Let's get you to bed, hmm?"

Tony slowly got up and looked around for his glass. "Where is it? Where's the rum?"

"It's gone." Bruce was confused. 

"Why is the rum gone?"

Bruce sighed. Slinging Tony's arm around his shoulder, he almost dragged the drunk engineer to his room. Setting his softly down, he said goodnight and left, not before putting a headache medicine on the drawer.  
______________________________  
Tony groaned and grabbed his throbbing head. Dammit. He must've drunk too much yesterday. He remembered Bruce coming into the bar but the rest was a blank. 

Getting up he saw the clock showed 9:00 am. And right next to it, luckily, painkillers. Good. He needed those. He washed his face and went down into the kitchen for the holy grail that was coffee. 

In the kitchen he was greeted to the site of Peter Parker, hanging upside down from the ceiling!

"Peter?!", Tony yelled again. 

Peter fell down, quite hard. "Ow. What happened?"

"You tell me. You were the one on the ceiling." Tony folded his arms. 

Peter looked confused. "On the ceiling? But Mr. Stark, I was just using my mobile and then you yelled my name-"

"-and you fell. But forget that, what are you even doing here?"

"School's off. And before you say anything I asked Aunt May. She said I could come here."

Tony only raised his eyebrow. "Honestly I think you spend more time in the tower than you do in your own home."

Peter only smiled sheepishly. Bruce chose that moment to come in. "Good morning." It was apparent he had just woken up. 

"Hi Doctor Bruce." Bruce stopped in his tracks upon hearing Peter's voice. 

"What's Peter doing here?"

Peter moved to answer but Bruce waved him off. "How are you feeling Tony?"

"Was Mr. Stark ill?", Peter asked worriedly. 

"I wasn't ill Underoos. Don't worry. Just a killer headache." he took a sip of his coffee. 

"Oh ok. Are you sure?", Peter still asked. Before he could recieve an answer, or a sarcastic comment in Tony's case, his phone rang. 

"Yeah MJ, it's Peter. Everything's ready? Awesome, I'll ve right down."

"What was that?"

"The Guardians are staying here for a while Mr. Stark. I was gonna show them around with MJ and Ned. So I gotta go or we'll be late." And with that he walked out of the room. 

Tony looked at Bruce with a surprised expression. "Can you believe that kid?"

Bruce only chuckled before becoming serious. "Tony, I need to tell you something. I was reading the diary yesterday."

"What? Why'd you read it? We were supposed to read it together."

"I just read a little further alright? Do you know know what it was about?"

"No I wouldn't, as I didn't read it!", Tony sulkily spoke. Bruce only rolled his eyes. 

"Tony, it was about Loki coming to Earth."

"You mean in 2012."

"No. That's the thing. It was the late 19th century. He wrote it."

"Reindeer games has been to earth before?", Tony couldn't help the surprise shown on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I know this isn't really much of a progress and I am sorry about it. 
> 
> I have tests going on and honestly writing is a little lower on my to-do-list but I do hope no one was OOC and that you well, read it. I don't think it's that enjoyable so. Sorry.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah after so many days I finally got the time to type and publish a chapter. Hope you like it. If you don't I am sorry.

_"Reindeer Games has been to Earth before?", Tony couldn't help the surprise shown on his face._

"Yeah he has."

"And what has he written? That all these pathetic mortals are beneath him and that this planet should be destroyed?"

"You know, I think you should read it yourself. You'll see what I'm talking about."

With that they went to the elevators. Once inside Tony couldn't help but ask, "So how far have you read, Doc?"

"Really Tony your acting as if I ate your favourite candy without you or something."

"But we were supposed to be in this together.", Tony claimed in a mock-hurt tone. 

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Sadly, we are."

"Ouch Doc you wound me." Tony joked before becoming serious. "Speaking of, has there been any news of Rudolph?"

Bruce only shook his head in negative. They were searching for him, but this search was proving more difficult. It truly was as if he had vanished from Earth. The doctor was broken out of his musings as Tony tapped his shoulder. "We're here y'know."

Once inside the lab, Tony rushed to where the diary lay and opened it, instantly starting. Bruce only closed the door and sat down on the other table, doing something that Tony, at this moment, didn't have an interest in. 

_I have quite the story to tell you. I am quite excited and I do not even know where to begin. But I suppose it should be from the start, should it not?_

_It was during the afternoon that I decided to go out to the forests. I did not like it in the castle. Lately it has been feeling more like a prison than a home. I always feel constricted. Especially when Mother and Thor are not home._

_Thus I decided to go to the forests. I went further than was planned amd ended up the mountain. Sruprising, but it happened. I was quite lost in thought at that moment. Once I realized I turned to go, bit tripped. I fell into a crack that was present between the rocks._

_To cushion myself I used magic, yet as soon as I did I was enveloped in a green light. When I woke up, I was on Vanaheim. It took me quite some time to figure out a way back, mainly because I was panicking and yet I did. I could not help but panic. I did not know where I was. For all I knew I could have been in enemy territory._

_When I returned I finally realized what had happened. I had found a path between worlds. And it wasn't through the bifrost. Another completely separate pathway, that allows me to travel between worlds. It's amazing!_

_I do not know how the paths work but I will go back tomorrow to study them more. It is such an exciting prospect. I am certain not even Heimdall will even known of this._

_Once I do figure out how to work these paths I will visit Midgard. I wish to see how the mortals are fairing. It has been five centuries since I had last visited Midgard. I was quite young back when I did visit. I am positive that it will be entertaining._

_I will take my leave at the moment but I will write all of my experiences of visiting Midgard in you. I think I will enjoy myself. But I have to make sure Odin does not learn of this. He has already banned travels to Midgard and I fear what punishment he will come up with this time if he finds out. Thus I need to keep thos secret. Odin will not like it if he learns of this._

This may have been the most surprising entry Tony had read. Was this the same diary? He checked it to be sure. He couldn't believe it. Loki, who wanted people to kneel before him and thought of people as insects wanted to visit Earth. 

But, how did they know what he was like before the attack. And if he really was like this, then what changed him? Why did he turn into a conquering maniac? Granted, he hadn't tried anything fishy at all since he had been living with the Avengers. 

"Are you going to read further?" Tony looked towards Bruce. At his inquiring look Bruce replied, "I'm rereading the entries. Maybe I'll find something."

"Oh ok then Doc. Whatever you want."

Shaking his head to rid himself of the questions swirling in his head Tony flipped the page and continued. 

_I have finally figured out how to travel through those pathways. There is a different path for each world scattered all over Asgard. Today I'm going to Midgard, as planned. I was there for a moment only the last time and I'm going to go prepared._

_I do not know whether to take you with me or not. I am quite stuck in this choice. Well I'm preparing other things. Hopefully I'll have decided by then._

This entry was a short one. Tony went on the next page. He really wanted to know what Loki did on Midg- Earth if it wasn't crushing people and taking over the planet. 

_I did not take you and for that I am quite glad. Someone tried stealing from me. I did give him a fright though, it was quite funny. The person ran away saying a demon was among them._

Tony could almost imagine Loki laughing while writing this. This waa the kind of stuff he enjoyed anyways. Messing with people.

_Eventhough I am tired I really wish to write all my experiences in you. Where do I start? Well, when I arrived on Midgard I was lucky enough to end up in a dark alley instead of the middle of the road. That would not have ended well for anyone. I learned that I had landed in a place they called Britain. The year is 1880._

_When I arrived I changed my clothes accordingly. I must admit, I am surprised how far the humans have come in terms of technology. It was by no means advanced like ours, but it was quite a change. Especially when, it had only been five centuries. The Midgardians, or humans as they call themselves had trains as modes of transportation for long distances. It was more efficient and quicker then travel through horses. Though they still used horses and carriges for travelling between cities._

_Todays was interesting. That is my final conclusion. I wish to observe humans more. It was also quite comforting to not being stared at all the time._

_I think that was the best part of my little journey. No one looked at me as if I was something else, especially considering that I am not even of Midgard, and merely went their way. Tomorrow I will return and perhaps cause some mischief. I am the God of Mischief after all. ___

__Tony was surprised. Really surprised. "Is this what you wanted to show me Doc?", Tony questioned the normally quite doctor._ _

__Bruce nodded. "Tony, what I don't understand is that if Loki never hated Earth, never had anything against it's inhabitants, then why did he attack all those years ago."_ _

__Tony ran his hand over his face. "I guess the only way we'll find out is if we keep reading."_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is.
> 
> I'm not really proud of it. But this is the fifth time I'm typing this chapter. This is as good as it gets. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. Sorry for mistakes and OOC-ness.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright to everyone that's reading this I am sorry it took me this long to update. Forgive me.  
> Hope you like this chapter. Enjoy.

_I find it quite strange. I truly do. That I am able to fit into people seamlessly when we are not even from the same realm. In a way I had never ben able to fit into my own realm, my home._

_And yet for some reason, I can't bring myself to call Asgard my home. And I know that I do not belong on Midgard, among mortals whose lives merely make no more that a small potion of my entire lifetime. But...it doesn't hurt to pretend._

_It doesn't feel bad to pretend that I am from Midgard. It is fun to roam around the realm. I have travelled many places. Some more than once. I am quite fond of visiting Great Britain as they call it._

_The year, according to Midgardian calendar is 1890 now. I have been going for a total of 10 years. And I must say it has been quite an experience. I have tried a delicacy that mortals call 'ice-cream'. It was amazing._

_I have found a method to replicate it with my magic. I eat it often now. There are many other things I tried. I have written them down in another book. They contain all my notes. I am aware that I was supposed to write all my notes in you, but thought better of it._

_You are my diary, a gift from Mother. I only wish to write my feelings and secrets in you. Hmmm…I want to write many things about Midgard. They call it Earth. A strange name in my opinion. I am also surprised how similar our physical anatomy is to Midgardians. It's merely the lack of sedir that separates Asgardians from them._

_I will be returning to Midgard tomorrow. It's honestly, quite a break from all the looks I receive from others. I don't think Odin will be happy about my frequent visits to that realm though. I really have to keep it a secret. Or else his punishment may be harsher then they normally are._

_You know I also just realized that I am an equivalent of a fifteen year old on Earth. Sounds strange when I use that term. Well I'm going right now I'll write in you later._

Tony, who at the moment was drinking did an excellent spittake. There was no way in hell Loki was really fifteen. He looked towards Bruce who looked just as shocked.

Bruce turned towards him. "So… how old is he now?"

'Good question', Tony thought. Making the mental calculations in his mind, he came to a simple conclusion. "Loki's sixteen." The disbelief was evident in his voice.

He was only sixteen. He was as old as Peter. The person that they grouped with the adults was not even old enough to be able to drive.

"Sixteen? Then how old is Thor? Twenty-two?", Bruce asked. He only received a shrug in reply.

Tony couldn't gather his head around the fact that Loki was, by Earth's standard still a kid. He had been blaming a kid. Someone as old as Peter, whose life was living hell. God, he was a horrible person.

"Tony?", Bruce called for the attention of his disgruntled friend, who seemed to be lost in thought. Getting up from his spot, he lightly shook his shoulder.

"Tony, are you alright?"

"No. No I'm not. Bruce, he's just a kid. He's not any older than Peter and I-I…"

"Tony, it's fine. No one could have guessed he's a kid. He doesn't act or look like one. So it's fine. Don't beat yourself over it." And even though he received a nod he knew Tony wouldn't listen. He was like that. Bruce sighed. "So do you still want to read or..?"

Tony shook his head. "We're reading."

Bruce nodded and sat back down

Tony flipped another page. His screen lit up.

_I think the only term I can use to describe mortals is strange. Or perhaps unique? Whatever it is, they astound me. Perhaps, though I should start from the beginning._

_It was just another normal trip to Midgard. I had just arrived in London. The year now 1885. Not much change had occurred, nothing that concerned me anyways. Though I do believe that a samurai became the Prime Minister of the place they called Japan. I will visit Japan again in my next trip. But I digress._

_I had arrived. Ate at a small and humble establishment. I did use some of the gold I had and exchanged it for currency. I did not steal before it is believed that I would do such a thing. After that I had entered an alley. I believe I saw the creature called 'cat' walk in there. I wanted to pet it. I quite like them. They're so adorable. Right back to the story._

_I went into the alley. And I got surrounded by people. I believe they wanted my money. And this is where the strangest thing occured. A boy, no older than 17, I believe came up and defended me. He wasn't that strong, quite skinny really, and yet he started fighting those people._

_I don't know wether to commend him for his warrior spirit or call him an idiot with a death wish. I joined in the fight and took them down easily. Though one did manage to cut my hand._

_The boy was slightly hurt, a little bruised, but I deemed he would be able to live. But before I could escape he, unconcerned about his health, asked if I was alright. Then he even took me to his home to get bandages for my hand._

_The boy's Mother was, let's just say, as eccentric as the boy himself. She was fiery and gave quite a talking to to her son yet the concern was present. They both even invited me to tea._

_What I don't understand is why they were so concerned for someone they hadn't met before. It was strange. I will visit them tomorrow. I do not know if all mortals are like this or if this only applies to them but I would wish to know more about them. They seem interesting._

Well this was quite the turn of events in Bruce's opinion. It was already surprising that Loki had been to Earth but that he also knew someone already was unexpected.

He looked towards Tony. He had stopped reading and was staring into space. Buce knew what was bothering him. It seemed that this diary would only give them surprises at every turn.

"You know, this basically means we were almost beaten by a kid in 2012.", Bruce pointed out.

Tony chuckled lightly. "Yeah. Looks like Rudolph's full of surprises huh?"

Bruce shook his head. Loki was the God of Tricks for a reason. He really hoped where ever Loki was he would be safe. Tony started reading again. It seemed they would be here all day. It was already seven. Bruce was surprised how quickly time passed.  
_______________  
Loki was, at this particular moment, staring into the fire place, that was roaring. The children were sleeping. This was after, as Maria loved calling it, "Loki's story time".

A cup of cocoa was at the side table. They had figured Loki's love for sweets already and figured it was good bribing material. It was necessary, especially after Loki gave Fred and George lessons in pranking.

Jenny had visibly shuddered a little at remembering the prank these three pulled at their neighbor, Rory Williams. According to her they were just lucky that Rory was a sweet guy or else there would have been trouble.

Loki, himself was feeling quite safe and satisfied. It was a nice place all in all and he quite liked it. Maria and Jenny were good company and it was always fun with the children. He pulled up his sleeve and looked at the silver lines littering his arm.

Some of them were more recent then people thought. Even though he had promised his Mother he wouldn't do it, sometimes, sometimes he did. When Thor took it to far, or when people made him too uncomfortable.

He had done it quite recently. His stay with The Avengers had caused him to do it more then once but not frequently. Usually spending time with Bruce and Val kept his need at bay.

Even now he didn't feel like it. He was, as he had said, safe. But he couldn't help but miss Thor a little. He was worried about him. But he still didn't want to meet him. What if, now Thor started mocking him for being weak? He did say he thought the world of him but Loki couldn't help the lingering fear at the back of his mind.

He just hoped Val would keep an eye on Thor for now. He also wondered what Nebula was doing. Out of everyone she was the only one who understood what it meant to live in someone else's shadow. It had been quite a surprise that they did become friends but it had happened.

He pulled his sleeve down, putting the glamour into place that kept his scars hidden and went into his room. He wanted to read some books.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well tell me what you think k? And thank you to everyone who left kudos on this and commented. It means a lot.I appreciate it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hope you are all well and safe. I've finally managed to write another chapter. I don't have any problems with the story. I already know got everything will go. I've got everything planned. 
> 
> The actual problem is finding the words and the time. -_-
> 
> But as I managed to write another one, here it is!

Oh, how Tony had hoped, really hoped, that things would be better. And for a second he had actually believed it. He had believed that Loki had found some sort of happiness. 

Simply speaking he let his guard down. For three days they had been reading the diary. Loki frequented Earth. Wrote about it. Every thing he liked. The emotions were felt by both him and Bruce as they kept on reading. Loki really knew how to express something.  
________________________  
 _Mortals are strange. This is my final conclusion. They are strange. I visited Millicent Hooper and Steve Hooper (they were the people I mentioned before, the boy who saved me and his quirky mother) They invited me with open arms. They greeted me as if I was an old friend._

_I had met them only once and when I returned about three days later they were meeting me as if I knew them all their life. Surprising honestly. It caught me off-guard. I also met Steve's little sister. Her names Sarah. She's only three  
________________________  
I learned more about them today. Millicent   
runs a bakery. She also supplies sweets to an orphanage in the town. She takes care of children that do not have any parents. I find that to be quite a noble act._

_She treats all of them fairly and as if they were her own. The kids seem to love her as well._

_And Steve is officially the big brother of them all. It is quite amusing really how he is swarmed when he comes to deliver those goods. He seems to complain about it but I can see it's a lie._

_Steve claims that he will join the police force soon. He says it is his his life-long dream. He wishes for peace and justice to prevail. It's a different outlook than my people._

_Asgardians actively sought out war in the past and many are still warriors capable of amazing feats. So it is strange that he does not wish to conquer but wishes only for harmony. Though I do not fault him for such a belief.  
________________________  
These humans make amazing foods. Especially sweets. I never liked the sweets back home except for the ones that Mother used to treat us to when we were little. _

_She stopped making them though. I miss those sometimes. I was treated to a sweet called pudding._

_It was amazing. I'm sure Millicent was surprised at how much I ate. Steve only patted me on the back. It was quite humorous actually._

_They're nice people. I enjoy spending time with them as strange as it may be.  
________________________  
I had made a grave error. I had forgotten an important fact whilst spending time with the mortals. And that was it. They were mortals. They aged quicker than I did. They noticed. It's been fifteen years. Sarah's eighteen and I have not aged a day._

_They looked at me strangely and finally asked why it was so. I-I told them. I should not have done so but I did._

_They were surprised. They looked fearful. I didn't like that look. They feared me. These people were my friends. I could not have them thinking badly of me._

_But I was once again shocked at the generosity of these particular mortals. I explained to them and they listened. They gave me a chance to explain._

_And I am still allowed to visit. They still welcome me with open arms. I am surprised but happy that I haven't lost my friends.  
________________________  
It is currently 1910. Sarah has gotten married. Quite recently. She has married a man named Joseph. I do not trust that man but Sarah seems genuinely happy so I have not decided to say anything. I just hope she will be safe.   
________________________  
Steve died today. On 1913, by Earth's years. It had just been two years since Millicent had died. He had achieved his dream of joining the police force and he had loved that job. He used to talk quite happily about it. _

_He died in the line of duty. He would have wanted to go that way. But why so soon? It's not fair. It's not fair how short-lived the mortals are. Why must they die so quickly._

_Sarah must miss him even more than me. I just hope he is given a place in Valhalla.  
________________________  
Sarah had a child today. The year according to Earth is 1918. I held him. He was so frail. I was afraid I would break him. She named him Steve. After her brother. Steve would have cried if he learned of this. The drama queen that he could be. _

_I just pray that this Steve doesn't turn out to be like him. Or else he'll be picking fights in alleys with people twice his size. I don't know if Sarah will ever be able to handle that._  
______________________  
There were only a few more entries like this. Entries that were of his visits to Earth. He had visited Earth up until 1920. That was when his entry took a horrific turn for both Bruce and Tony. 

They were actually quite glad that he had someone as a friend even if it was on Earth. They had hoped that he would remain so. Sadly, they should have realized that the mischief maker rarely had happiness. 

The entry began as such

_The year is 1920. Steve must be two years old by now. I hope Sarah is better. She was feeling quite sick before. But that is not what I want to talk about._

_I do not know how I should begin this so I will be blunt. Odin discovered my little visits to Ear- to Midgard. He was not pleased. At all._

_I was right in believing that I would be punished. The punishment was quite harsh. I will no longer be able to speak for some time. I-my punishment was something even I didn't expect._

_Odin punished me for lying. For hiding facts. He asked me how I managed to travel between worlds. He believed I used something called 'the Tesseract' to do so._

_I do not know what it is. I told him as such. He as always, did not believe me. I refused to say anything else._

_That was a mistake on my part. Odin decided that if I was not willing to speak then I should not speak at all. He-he called the dwarves. They sewed them._

_It hurt so much. So much. It still hurts. I can't remove them. Only Odin can and I don't think he will anytime soon. It hurts. I want the pain to end. I want this misery to end._

_I can't talk anymore. My words, my strength, it has been taken from me. MY MOUTH HAS BEEN STITCHED AND THEY ALL WATCHED. WATCHED WHILE I BEGGED._

_I begged Odin to listen to me. To believe me. But he never listens. I don't want to live like this anymore. Why must I be treated as if I do not belong? As if I am something evil? Why?_

_And no one will even notice anything. I cannot speak and I can speak the faint magic on my mouth. They've placed an illusion. So that others cannot know either. No one but you will know._

"Shit" This was the only thing Tony could think about at this moment. Was this even real? Did this really happen? How could someone-? 

"Shit." Tony repeated once more. He looked towards Bruce who looked a bit too green for his liking. This wasn't good. Bruce had his head bowed. He slowly lifted it. "Tony? Did this really happen?"

"I don't think there's any reason for him to lie about this."

"But why would-how could someone-I mean-" Looked as if Bruce couldn't even say it either. 

"I know what you mean. Should-should we read further? I think his entries are ending. But if you don't want to-" Tony offered. 

Bruce only shook his head firmly. "it's ending. I need to know. Loki is my friend, Tony. If he needs help, I will."

Tony took a deep breath. "If you say so Doc."

_Hello old friend. It has been quite some time hasn't it. By Earth years I believe it has been 92 years. Almost a century._

_The last time I wrote in you was when… I received my punishment._

_I kept myself occupied. Odin took off the restraints after only a few days but I couldn't bring myself to stay in the palace. I used to travel around Asgard, under an illusion._

_I really should stop moving away from topic though shouldn't I? I've done that many times before._

_The reason why I am writing in you after so much time is because....Thor will be crowned king tomorrow. I should be happy about it, but I do not think he is ready. He is too arrogant. He will not care about the well-being of the people._

_He will actively seek out war. It will not be favourable. I will do something. Something I shouldn't do. I will stop his coronation. I will let frost giants into the vault. They will be stopped I am sure, but I will make sure Thor doesn't get crowned. It will not be good for any of the realms._

_I am telling you this because I know you will not judge me. You will not tell Odin of my plans. I must go now. Till next time._  
________________________  
"So what Reindeer Games didn't want the throne? Then where did his little kneel fetish come from."

Bruce shrugged lightly. He knew only as much as Tony. Honestly, he hoped that the next entry would answer their questions because it was the last one. 

Bruce heard Tony take a deep breath before the rustling of pages was heard. The last entry in the black leather bound journal came in front of his screen. Before they could start though, the lab doors opened and Thor and Steve stepped in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it. I don't know what to think about this. It's not that great so.... I'm sorry.
> 
> Also sorry for any typos or mistakes. And I know that the real mythology was different but please don't forget this is MCU Loki. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news for everyone reading this. I found the to write another chapter and I did! I wanted to write more but as I wrote this I decided to publish this.   
> So enjoy. ^^

_Before they even realized what was happening, the lab door opened and Steve and Thor stepped in._

"Bruce, Tony where have you two been? We were starting to be-lieve-" Thor's booming voice came to a halt when he saw the diary in Tony's hand. 

Behind him Steve stood as well, confusion on his features at the God of Thunder's sudden quiteness. 

"Stark." Thor's tone took a warning quality. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Thor I can explain."

"Tell me. Is it?"

Bruce looked down as Tony nodded. "Yes."

Steve looked at the exchange, confused. "What is it Thor?"

"Captain, that is Loki's journal. He has some of his most dangerous spells in there. And Stark decided to keep it to himself." Thor snapped. Steve gave his 'disapproving look' as Tony called it. 

"Thor, they don't have his spells in it." Bruce spoke up meekly. 

"It's Loki's isn't it? Does this mean we could have found him by now?", Steve asked. 

"Whether we could have found him or not, this is Loki's spellbook. It is his possession. They had no right-"

Thor was cut short as Tony angrily spoke up. "Then you have no right either Thor, seeing how you loved making fun of him for using spells. You didn't even car-"

Before anyone could react, Thor punched Tony. Hard. Hard enough to send him out of the building. Tony activated his nanobots, his suit on him and flew. 'Those two really loved kicking people out of windows.' he thought to himself. Hovering in front of the window and thinking that maybe he had a death wish he said, "Is that the best you can do?" In all honesty he didn't care. 

Thor summoned Stormbreaker and went after Tony, who had flown away. He had wanted to hit Thor for quite some time now and this, in Tony's opinion, was the perfect opportunity. 

"Boss he's catching up." Friday informed him. "In 3...2...1…" Tony turned around instantly and fired his blasters at Thor who looked ready to sink his new axe into Tony's armor. 

Thor fell down not expecting it and landed in the park. Tony flew down as well. Smoke was rising from the crater. "Boss…", Tony was so glad of Friday's sensors as he sidestepped Stormbreaker, it whizzing past him. What he didn't see was Thor jumping out and punching him. Thor repeatedly hit him over and over again not giving Tony a chance to counter attack. Thor raised his hand and Stormbreaker came into it. He brought it down. 'Well, I guess this is the end.' Tony thought and shut his eyes. 

Hulk smashed into Thor, effectively stopping him from murdering his team member. Tony, warily got up and shook his head. He was sure that if it wasn't for his armor he would be dead. And Hulk. "Thanks big guy." 

Hulk only grunted. Thor stood up, unscathed. Hulk readied himself. "How dare you? First you steal my brother's spell book-"

"We already told you it's not a spell book."

Thor looked annoyed yet an underlying confusion was shining through his eyes. "I know my brother well enough. I have seen his write in it."

"No that's the thing Thor. You don't know him. You never tried to know him. Do you even have any idea how much stress and pain and insecurities he was going through as a kid?"

Now Thor looked thoroughly confused. He didn't understand why Tony was talking like that. He knew his brother that much. He loved playing pranks, was always laughing and mischievous. He said as much. Tony shook his head. 

"Has it never crossed your mind that he could be putting up an act?"

At that Thor took a step forward but stopped at Hulk's "stay." At that moment a few others arrived before Thor could further question Tony about what he was saying. 

Captain was looking at the damage while Clint and Natasha had their weapons trained on Tony and Thor. 

"Now what did you guys start a fight over?", Clint asked, his annoyance showing clearly on his face. Oh how Clint missed his retirement. 

Thor only looked towards Tony who wearily looked at the apprehensive and curious faces surrounding him. He sighed. Why did they all have to come?

When Tony didn't speak Thor informed his gathered teammates, "Tony here decided that taking my brother's spell book was a good idea." 

Clint frowned. "You're fighting over a book that guy left?"

"It's not his spell book Thor."

"Well then would you kindly inform me what it is? And besides, whatever it is, it does not belong to you." Thor snapped.

"Then it shouldn't be your either, now should it?"

"Stark-", Thor took a step forward but Steve decided to cut in. Enough damage had been done already. "We're not going to get anywhere like this and you all know it. Clint, Natasha lower your weapons." he ordered the Russian spies. The annoyance was clear in his voice.

"Now Thor", he turned towards the angry thunderer, "I know what Tony did was wrong"-Tony scoffed while Clint snorted-"but you need to calm down." Thor frowned but sad nothing and started pacing. 

"Hulk, you wanna let Bruce back?" he asked the green giant. Hulk only grunted but after a few seconds Bruce Banner was now back, clutching his pants. 

Steve finally turned towards Tony who still looked ready to fight, though his armor was no longer on him, scowl firmly set in place. "Now Tony will you explain what this is all about?"

The scowl became even deeper. At Steve's pointed look he grumbled out a 'fine'. Steve nodded. "Let's head back then?"  
________________________  
Once they were all seated, Bruce got new clothes and Thor throwing murderous glares towards Tony, who pointedly ignored all looks being sent his way began. 

"This is Loki's diary."

This caused another massive outburst between the gathered before Natasha quitened them. She wanted to know facts and she couldn't without them talking constantly. 

"So that black book is his journal? His life events? Ain't it a little small?" Clint asked. 

"We think it has some sort of spell on it."

"So why'd you read it?"

"I just wanted to see what happend to Loki."

"That is not a valid reason Stark. You have no right to read of my brother's personal life."

"Look I know it's not right but even you have to admit you would have been curious to find out wouldn't you?"

"It still doesn't make it right."

"We know what we did was wrong but I think it was good that we decided to do it." Bruce interjected. 

"Why?"

"Thor, Loki is your brother yet there are so many things not even you know about him."

A look of hurt flashed across Thor's face. He knew that he hadn't been good to his brother. He always berated him for using magic. But now he really had tried to make things right. Maybe…

"Will you tell us what you read?", Thor asked tentatively. 

Bruce and Tony looked at each while the others looked surprised. "Thor, are you sure?"

Thor nodded firmly. "If there are things that I do not know about my brother then I wish to. So please tell me what you have read. 

Tony nodded. "But I'm warning you now it won't be good."

For the next three hours Bruce and Tony told everything they could remember reading about Loki. From Odin's 'punishments' which had caused many strong reactions to his self-harming habits. 

They told about his visits to Earth which brought a new detail to light as well. Apparently Sarah Hooper was Steve's mother. His father being Joseph Rogers. 

"So your telling me that the Sarah Loki talked about was your mom?"

"I-I think so. Those are my mom and dad's names. Sarah and Joseph Rogers."

"And you've been held by Loki as a baby?"  
Steve's glare quickly stopped further discussion of this topic though. 

After quite some time they finally finished the details of Loki's life. Thor's face relayed only pain while Steve, Clint and Natasha had contemplative ones on their faces. 

"Is that it?" Clint asked. 

"Well. Just one entry is left.", Tony supplied. 

"But we won't read it. We can call Stephen and maybe he can track Loki?", Bruce offered. 

Everyone turned towards Thor. After a few minutes he finally answered. "It is the last one. We should read it. Then we call Strange."

The diary was handed to Natasha who was to read it out loud. She inhaled softly, then began what would be the last entry.

_How long has it been my dear friend?_

Natasha looked up, surprised by how Loki had written in it, as if talking to an actual being. At Bruce's nod, who understood her surprise, she continued 

_One year or two? Two I believe. Last time I wrote in you my plans went… awry to say the least. I didn't want anything to turn out like it did and yet the Norns will never be in my favour. I know it._

_And now, now once again… I don't want this. I never wanted any of this. I'm locked in this cell and the one who...who MURDERED MY MOTHER IS ROAMING OUTSIDE._

_Mother is gone. It's all my fault. It's always my fault. I'm the reason… I'm the reason she's dead. But I am certain Thor will come. He will need my help. The bifrost is not accessible. He knows of my ability to travel between worlds._

_He will come and I will avenge mother. I do not believe I will return from this fight. I am prepared to die. I should die. But… I want someone to know._

_I want someone to know why it was that I attacked earth and Odin wouldn't believe me. So, to anyone who reads this find a sorcerer to recite the following spell. All my memories of the year before the attack will be presented before you._

_**"Elbi siv ebl li wti htur teht ke est aht esohtl laot."** _

"Call Strange."  
__________________________  
Doctor Strange, at this moment was looking through some books. He had finally found why his tracking spell hadn't worked and now he needed another one. Skimming through the books, he exclaimed in joy as he found what he needed. 

And his phone rang. "Hello?"

"Strange." He heard Thor's voice on the other end. "We need your help."

Sighing, Strange conjured a portal. As soon as he stepped into the Avenger Tower living room, a book was thrust into his hands. "Read it."

Strange frowned. "Why?"

"It's for research."

"And you need me to read a book?" The skepticism was evident in his voice. 

"Look it's a spell. Just read it."

Strange rolled his eyes and looked at the spell. He hadn't seen any spell like this one or read it anywhere. Taking a deep breath, he read the incantation in a clear voice

_**"Elbi siv ebl li wti htur teht ke est aht esohtl laot."** _

Everyone looked around waiting for something to happen. 

"Well that was anticlimact-", Clint stated but couldn't complete his sentence as a greenish-gold light engulfed him and everyone else in the room. In there place now remained the simple looking black diary. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright this is what my head came up with while I was sporting a headache.   
> Tell me what you think. Will this be considered a cliffhanger? I'm sorry if it is. ʕ•ﻌ•ʔ
> 
> Thank you for reading. Sorry for any typos or mistakes or OOC-ness.   
> (｡ŏ_ŏ)


	18. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to write two more chapters. This was meant to be a filler chapter but...I couldn't type it. Sorry. 
> 
> I believe the previous one was left on a cliffhanger so here you go. Enjoy! ^^

A loud groan escaped Tony's lips as he fell, hard, onto the floor. Before he could get up another body, Strange's, fell on him effectively knocking the wind out of him. Pushing Strange off, he saw someone else hurtling towards him and scrambled to get out of the way or else become a cushion. 

Thor landed with a heavy thud onto the white floor, Clint landing on him not a second too late. Natasha's red hair came into his view as she landed on her feet, Captain landing besides him, not on his feet though. Tony smirked, feeling satisfied at the crumpled heap that was Captain America. 

"Where are we?", Strange's voice broke him out of his musings. Tony finally took time to look around. Wherever they were, the person really didn't know good color schemes because the whole place was white. White walls and ceiling. No furniture. It unnerved Tony. A lot. 

"Hello everyone.", a voice spoke up behind them. Everyone turned around and saw Loki. Standing there, arms folded behind his back, in a full black suit. 

"L-Loki?", Thor stammered yet an edge of anger was visible. "This is where you've been? All this time?"

"I believe you have mistaken me, brother of mine. I am merely an illusion," he passed a hand through himself as a demonstration, "assigned to do a simple task. Show what you came here to see." With a wave of his hand, he conjured chairs, making the Avengers sit. "I am curious though, where is my current self?"

No one answered and illusion Loki sighed. "No answers. Very well. Besides," he grinned, "it is your questions that I should be answering. So, ask away."

"What is this place?", surprisingly Strange was the first one to ask. Loki narrowed his eyes at the mystic doctor. "You are a wizard are you not? You should know."

"Are you telling me that this is like a pocket dimension?"

"Close. Unlike a pocket dimension this a is space that I created inside the diary. This place is in my control. Completely." He gave a feral grin that made Tony shudder. "Do not be afraid. I have no intentions to harm any of you."

Before Strange could ask something else, Natasha asked a question that was the reason Tony had even begun the diary. "What did Loki-uh you mean when you said you wanted 'someone’ to know"? What did you want to tell?"

Loki, or his illusion, stilled his back towards them. In a soft voice he spoke. "I believe it is time then."

"Time? Time for what?", Thor asked. 

"For you to learn the truth. And for me to complete my purpose." He once again waved his hand and a screen, like Tony's, lit in front of them. "I truly hope that you will not use this information against my current self." Another flick and the white room became dark and Loki appeared. It looked as if they would get to know after all. 

_Loki hung from the edge of the bifrost, his hand on Gungnir, Thor holding the staff with all his might, Odin behind him. Loki couldn't help but feel the hate and disappointment at failing so miserably. He couldn't even stop himself from telling Odin, "I could have done it Father! For you! For all of us!"_

_He could have. He could have made them proud. Thor was doing the same thing too wasn't he? He wanted that. He was just ridding the world of monsters by killing the Jotuns. And yet what Odin said broke him. "No Loki."_

_'No Loki.' Why?! Why couldn't he have done it? Was he really that useless? Was he truly that insignificant? Did everything he did mean nothing?! Did he really man nothing? 'No Loki.' He knew what lay beneath him. The void. And in that moment Loki lost all hope of being accepted. He did the only thing that he knew would take the pain away. He let go. The last thing he heard was Thor's scream before everything became silent._

"Oh God." Bruce muttered. Loki had tried to kill himself. He, obviously, didn't die but he had tried. The pain and emotions were clear on his face. He looked towards the illusion of Loki. He had a blank face. He gave nothing away. With another flick of his hand he changed the scene. 

_Loki was falling, falling through space. Everything around him was a blur. Why wasn't he dead? He wanted to die. That was why he let go. Why couldn't he be given something in his life? He closed his eyes._

_He felt it then. A presence. It was pulling him. Pulling him out of the void. No! He didn't want to be saved. He tried to fight the presence but it was too strong and slowly he was pulled towards a small planet. He landed, hard, onto the planet's surface. Groaning, he tried to move. Everything hurt. He was certain most of his bones were bruised if not broken. He wanted the pain to end._

_A blurry image came in his line of sight. Then he felt it. Someone was picking at his mind. Testing. Looking. He quickly pushed it out as much as he could. The thing in front of him gave a squeal. "This one. It will be useful. Bring him. He will be pleased." it gasped in a raspy voice._

_Loki felt more than saw himself being lifted. Something was dragging him. He didn't know where but he knew that it wouldn't be any good. He could feel dread piling in his stomach but he couldn't move. Soon he lost consciousness._

Confusion marred Stephen's face. "Who was that?"

Loki looked at him, his face pensive. "That was The Other I believe. A minion of Thanos." Without acknowledging anything else Loki snapped his fingers. The next image started. 

_Loki was bound to a wall, chains on his hand and his neck. He tried moving. It proved to be a mistake as a hot searing sensation flashed through his body. He heard someone chuckle._

_"I wouldn't do that, little Asgardian." the same raspy voice spoke up. He saw the creature, ugly as it was, hold some kind of remote in his hand. He clicked on a button and that burning finally stopped. Loki sucked in deep breaths. He glared with all the strength he could muster at the being in front of him._

_"Now that you are willing to listen l, Asgardian"-oh how he wanted to yell at the Other that he wasn't Asgardian but couldn't find his voice-"my master has a proposition for you."_

_Loki narrowed his eyes. He didn't trust him but if he could find a way out...he would take it. "What kind of proposition?", his voice was raspy. His throat was dry. How long had it been since he had spoken? How long had he been falling in the void?_

_"You have to retrieve something. From earth."_

_"And what will I get in return?"_

_"Glory. You will be hailed as king. You can have the planet itself. You will be worshipped."_

Everyone sat with bated breath, looking on with pure concentration at the memories of the trickster.

_Loki knew he was lying. Whoever his master was, he had no intentions that would be considered good. He knew he was being asked to attack Earth. He wouldn't do it. Not the one place he was accepted. He laughed. He couldn't help it. "Do you honestly think I would help you?"_

_The Other's face turned even uglier than it was in anger. "You will turn around. Once we are done with you, you will wish you never refused." And with that another wave of pain went through Loki's body as, what he gathered was electricity, coursed through him._

Before anyone could say anything the image changed once again. 

_The trickster was heaving. He was breathing heavily. Anyone who had eyes could see that the trickster was not in good shape. His face was bloody, bruised and beaten. Dry blood covered his clothes, or what remained of them. His back was covered in scars. And what wasn’t scars were fresh wounds, bleeding. All in all Loki wasn’t in good shape._

_He was curled up, far into the wall, his arms around his legs. It was apparent some time had passed with how long Loki’s hair had grown. And that time wasn’t spent pleasantly._

He was muttering something in another language which no one besides Thor could understand. And whatever it was made a tear slip down Thor’s face. “Oh Brother.”

_His mutterings stopped as a woman’s voice spoke out to him. “Loki. My dear child.”_

_Loki looked up, hesitant, afraid and bewildered. “Mother?”_

_“Yes my child. It is me..It’s me and your brother.”, a beautiful woman with golden hair walked up to him. “Thor and I are here.”_

_Loki looked surprised but there was now hope shining in his eyes. Thor came up behind him. His face though held no emotions. It was different from the Thor he knew who always smiled and was jovial to a fault. Then Thor spoke. His voice was cold, none of the warmth that it used to have was in it. "Mother, we do not have all day."_

“No. No no no Loki.” the gathered heard Thor speak. They looked back at the screen.

_Loki was startled and now a bit scared. What was happening? Why was Thor acting like that? He looked back towards his mother. He couldn’t help the soft gasp that escaped his lips. His mother was smiling a cold, malicious smile that twisted her beautiful features into something gruesome. “M-mother?” he stammered._

_“Do you know why we are here, my child?” The way she said ‘my child’ sounded as if she was addressing some filth. Her voice was cold. Loki had never heard her voice this cold before. It scared him. “Well?” Loki shook his head._

_“We are here to tell you that it is so much better in Asgard now that you are gone. We do not need you to come back. In reality we think you belong here.” Tears slipped down Loki’s cheeks as more hateful and spiteful words came from not only his mother’s but Thor’s mouth as well. He put his hands on his ears hoping to block the noise. THen it was gone. He slowly looked up and saw nothing. No one. Then he screamed. Loud and filled with anguish._

Thor was seething. If Thanos wasn’t dead he would have made him regret his being born altogether. How dare he torture his brother? Loki. This is what he went through in Thano’s company. Tears slipped down his cheeks as more images were played by Loki’s illusion. 

Him being electrocuted until his wrists started burning. Him being beaten by the chitauri. Him being drowned in water, held in it for minutes whilst he struggled to get free. Whips, daggers, burning embers, fires. His screams echoed throughout the empty dimension making all the avengers hearts twist with both guilt and agony. The worst it seemed was when he was shown the images of his mother and Thor. The words coming out of their mouths affected Loki the most. 

Thor couldn’t take it anymore. “STOP.” he yelled at the illusion who simply raised his hand. It stopped. 

"Why? I am merely doing my job. Showing what happened so that someone will know. But if that is what you wish. This only continues for three more months. In that time Thanos was picking at my mind with the stone. I just never realized because he tortured me, making sure pain was the only thing on my mind.”

"After that you all should know what happened. I came to earth, attacked, you all defeated me and I was locked in Asgard sentenced for a lifetime of isolation.", Illusion-Loki's tone was surprisingly nonchalant whilst explaining this. 

"Please stop. No more. You were under the sceptres' control all the time? I-why didn't you say anything?" Thor asked, his head in his hands.

"Yes Thor I was. Do you honestly believe that someone would believe the God of Lies? And Odin didn't listen so I was certain no one else would either."

"But you made this spell in the diary. Why?" Natasha pointed out. 

Illusion-Loki looked down sadly. "After Mother died, and we went to fight Malakeith and his forces, I was certain I would not return. And I truly wouldn't have been it not for the fact that I am a jotun and a sorcerer.

"I wanted someone, anyone to know the truth, even if it was after my death."

Everyone remained quiet. No one knew what to say. Or do for that matter. Illusion-Loki then cleared his throat. 

"Well I do believe you all now have an idea of what happened. That means my job is done and you all can go now." 

"Wait we still have questio-" And with a wave of his hand everyone fell through the floor and holes appeared in it.   
________________________  
"Hey Mr. Stark?" Peter Parker entered the living room only to find it empty, except for a simple black diary on the couch. Curious, he picked it up. As soon as he did, it's pages opened, and everyone who had gone came out, not sitting in a pile on top of each other. 

"Holy mackerel. What was that?" Peter shouted. "Are you alright?"

The Avengers slowly got up, still a bit shaken by what they had learned. "We need to find Loki. Fast.", Thor demanded. 

This caused everyone to break out of their thoughts. Everyone started talking at once. 

Stephen tried to gain the attention of the gathered Avengers. No one paid attention. He cleared his throat. Once. Twice. Then, "Will you all Listen?", he all but shouted. This got the attention of everyone. Finally. "Right. Now that I have your undivided attention. I can find Loki."

"What? Since when?" Bruce asked. 

"Since before you called me. I found the reason the previous spell did not work."

"And that is?" Clint prompted. 

"He's not in America."

Before anyone could further comment on this Thor cut in. "Well what are you waiting for then? Find him."

Strange only rolled his eyes. "Peter give me the diary." He said to the startled teen who was watching all of this quietly. With the diary Strange began the spell. As the diary enveloped in orange light, "I've found him." Doctor Strange declared.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry. Another chapter is there too. 
> 
> And look Loki's been found. Yay! 
> 
> And about this chapter. I really toned things down in all honesty. I knew I would suck if I wrote details of torture and I couldn't be that cruel. 
> 
> Also I'm sorry if you didn't like it. Thank you for reading.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes folks another chapter! This is all I have now. You'll also be glad to know that the fic is coming to a close. 
> 
> So, here's to hoping you'll like this chapter. ^^

_"I've found him." Doctor Strange declared._

With that he opened a portal. Tony, Bruce, Steve and Thor went through. They ended up in a bustling marketplace. As soon as they did though a person with short brown hair bumped into Thor.   
________________________

"Come on Luke." Jenny urged the disguised God of Mischief, Rose in her arms and Helena by her side, who at the moment was surrounded by kids who were hugging his legs. 

"I would if your kids would leave me." he said with mock exasperation. Jenny chuckled.

"Come on guys, leave Uncle Luke will ya? He has to go to the market." Maria called to the children while laughing, earning a glare from the poor mischief maker. Rory, who had volunteered for babysitting, was smirking at the tricksters dilemma. 

The kids finally let go after a bit of coaxing and promises of sweets and chocolates when they returned. 

"Well that took time." Loki said. 

"It just means they like you. You've seen how attached they are to Maria as well haven't you?"

"Her situation is worse than mine. They climb her back to prevent her from leaving." He reminded his friend, earning a laugh.

"See? So stop complaining."

Loki only rolled his eyes. Taking another turn they arrived at the only place in High Wycombe that was filled with hustle and bustle of people. The market. 

Jenny went up to a stall where an elderly woman was buying apples. Loki went on to buy other things, Helena going with him. "Hello, Grandma Matilda. How are you?" Jenny greeted the old woman politely. 

The woman, currently arguing about prices with the shopkeeper looked towards them, her frown instantly turning into a grin. "Well, if it isn't our Doctor. How have you been, child? Haven't seen you for so long now." She hugged her. 

"Grandma, it's just been three days."

"Feels like forever. And little Rosetta." She always called Rosie that. "How's the little one doing?", she cooed whilst making funny faces eliciting giggles from the little girl. The little girl reached out for the elderly woman making Matilda laugh as well. "So how are the rest of them?"

"They're well. What about you? Is your cold better?"

"Oh darling it's great. I've never felt better. Why else do you think I'm here arguing with this greedy sod." She pointed towards the shopkeeper who only rolled his eyes. Apparently he was already accustomed to the woman's demeanor. 

At that moment Loki came back holding the bags of groceries. "I've got the vegetables and the meat. Anything else-ah ah ah" He was cut off as his cheek was pulled by the elderly woman. "Good afternoon Grandma Matilda." Loki instantly recognized the person. "Can you stop stretching my cheek all the way to China now?"

"Why should I? You're too cute, you know that boy?" But she did let go. Reluctantly. 

"How are you?" Loki asked the woman while rubbing his abused cheek. As brash as she was she had a good heart. And for some reason found him irresistibly cute. He couldn't even begin to count the amount of times she had pulled his cheeks. He was just surprised that they hadn't stretched. 

"I'm fine boy."

"Really? Because I'm sure that only a mad person would assault someone's cheeks like that."

She swatted at his head, but she was still laughing. "Don't get cheeky with me young man."

Loki only grinned. After a few minutes they parted ways, Loki and the gang going further in the marketplace. Turning Loki bumped into someone, hard. 

"I'm sorr-" Loki's apology died in his throat as he saw exactly who it was that he had bumped into. Thor. 

_No no no. What's he doing here? Why is he here? How did he find me? What will he do? Will he be mad?_ Loki's thought ran frantically.

These questions didn't help. Panic rose in his chest. He couldn't breath. He couldn't breathe. Thor then hugged him yet that didn't calm him. He could feel all his muscles become tight with tension. Thor was saying something but nothing registered in his mind. 

The only thing that did register was the panic that rose in his chest even more. He was scared.   
________________________

Thor's eyes widened. Loki. They found him! Safe and sound. Not hurt. Not in any pain. He couldn't help it. He really couldn't. The relief and happiness of his brother being well and safe overwhelmed him. He hugged him. 

"My brother. You're safe. I've been so worried." Sadly in his overwhelmed state Thor failed to notice Loki's condition. But others did.   
________________________

Jenny was surprised when Loki stopped in the middle of his apology. What surprised her even more was the pure fear that filled his face. 

She looked to the person he had bumped into. It was his brother. It was Thor. _Why was Loki afraid of him? Did he do something wrong? Or did Thor do something to Loki?_ She was shocked. 

Then Thor moved forward and hugged him. Thor hugged Loki. And Loki froze. He became stiff, tense. Then she saw his breathing. He couldn't breathe. He was having a panic attack. She shoved Thor aside at the same time Tony Stark did.  
  
"Thor, he's panicking." Tony Stark said. 

While she yelled, "Can't you see you're scaring him?"  
________________________

Tony saw it. Tony saw some guy bump into Thor. He saw Thor's eyes widened. And then he saw Thor hug _that guy_. And that's where the problems start. The guy started breathing harshly. 

Thor said "My brother." which obviously meant that the guy was Loki. Which also meant that Loki was having a panic attack. Tony had had enough in his life after his time in Afghanistan and The Chitauri Invasion to recognize the signs. 

Loki, the God of Mischief was having a panic attack. He went forward and gently pried Thor off of Loki. "Thor, he's panicking."

He also saw a woman walk up to Thor at the same time and yell at him. "Can't you see you’re scaring him?"

Thor's eyes widened. "Wha-Loki!" He grabbed Loki by the arms not realizing he was making things worse. Loki flinched horribly, hiding his face. His illusion faded. Gasp emitted from the crowd. Whispers started up. 

Both the woman and Thor started talking to him in hushed tones. Loki started looking around frantically. His eyes were glazed, as if he didn't even remember where he was. 'Yep', Tony thought, 'definitely a panic attack.'  
________________________

Loki felt more then see Thor being pried from him. He still couldn't feel anything but panic. _Why was he even panicking? Thor wasn't going to hurt him right?_ Then Thor yelled his name and grabbed his arms. 

He couldn't help the flinch. His memories were flashing in front of his eyes. He flinched and his concentration on his illusion was now gone. His illusion had faded. Meaning he looked like himself. _Not like Luke._

He heard gasps. All around him. People were whispering. 

"Isn't that Loki?"

"Didn't he attack Earth?"

"Wasn't he a bad guy?"

"I thought he had gone missing. So, he was hiding here all this time?"

Loki's vision blurred. The whispers, they were back. Not again. Not again. The faces all around him morphed, they became shadows. They changed. They were laughing at him. They were whispering, mocking. He covered his ears. He saw two forms move towards him. What did they want? Were they going to hurt him? He tried hiding himself behind his arms. 

They did nothing. Only spoke something. Something. _What were they saying?_ Loki couldn't hear anything. He tried to focus on the voices but the whispers, they were still there. _Why couldn't he breathe?_

Then he heard something. The two voices stopped. The whispers, they-they stopped. A voice spoke again. Soft, little, young. "-le Loki?"

Loki. That was his name. The voice was calling him. He focused on the voice. "-oki? What's wrong?"

His vision cleared slowly. His chest, his lungs, they were no longer constricted. He could breath. 

"Uncle Loki? Are you ok?" It was Helena, looking at him. She was talking out loud. Asking him if he was alright. _She was talking out loud._ He nodded, getting up slowly. When did he sit down? 

"I'm...I'm fine." He patted the distressed girl's head. 

"Loki?" He looked up at the concerned eyes of Thor and Jenny. 

"Thor, I-I can explain."

"Forget explaining. Are you alright? Here take water. Drink it slowly." Jenny handed him a bottle. He drank. One sip. Two. He was thirsty. 

"I-" Thor began but was interrupted as an explosion was heard from the city. Everyone screamed in fear. Helena clung to Loki. The Avengers looked towards the city only to find alien aircrafts hovering over it. Another alien attack was happening. People started scrambling for cover. 

Loki took Helena and Jenny and teleported them to the house while the Avengers flew off. Thor only looked back sadly once as Loki teleported. Maria came out looking worried. "Guys…"

"Who the hell are you?" Rory asked standing in front of her. It was then that Loki remembered his disguise wasn't on. 

"Maria, go to the basement with the kids and Jenny, alright?"

Maria nodded and took Rory's hand. "We'll explain everything." She told the confused neighbor. Jenny handed Rosie to her while ushering the rest of them inside. 

"What about you, Loki?"

Loki smiled, "I'm an Avenger, Jenny. I have to do my job."

Jenny unexpectedly hugged Loki who, after a brief moment of shock, hugged her back as well. "Stay safe, okay?" she said and let go.

"Of course. The kids will kill me if I won't." With that he disappeared in green and golden light. Jenny went inside, silently praying to whatever god would listen that Loki would remain safe..  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for now. Hope this was y'know fine. 
> 
> If there were some mistakes I'm sorry. Also sorry for OOC-ness. Thank you for reading.   
> Also the fic is about to come to an end. 
> 
> But I won't be able to update for some time because my exams are coming up and I have to study. T_T
> 
> But as soon as they are done I'll write the final chapters and update. I promise!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. Hope you're doing well. 
> 
> Finally managed to write another chapter. ^^  
> Here's to hoping you'll like it.

The Avengers were used to fighting the aliens by now. They had been doing so for the past year. And yet this attack was unlike any other. They came out of nowhere, were completely undetected until they entered the atmosphere, and were thousands in number. During the fight, they had split up with Steve joining Clint and Nat who came through Strange’s portal. Tony had recklessly flown off somewhere. 

Hulk’s roars could be heard over the fighting. Thor was laying waste as well with his lightning giving the only indication. Wanda and Vision were helping in the evacuation, making sure no one got hurt any more than they already were.

“Does anyone know where Tony is?” Captain America asked while beating down one of the aliens. 

Nat shot at two aliens closing in on Clint. “No. We haven’t seen him ever since he flew off.” 

“His comm isn’t working either.” Clint supplied after managing to take down three aliens with one arrow. “Dammit, how the hell are there so many? I want some coffee now.”  
________________________  
Tony was shooting down as many as he could. The only problem was as soon as he shot one down four more came in his place. “What the-” he yelled as the one alien clamped on his back fell. He looked to see a very familiar dagger embedded in its head. Loki appeared behind him and sent off a blast of green energy effectively destroying at least thirty of them in one go. 

“Thanks, Loki.” Tony couldn’t help but yell at the god. A look of shock crossed Loki’s features before he went back to destroying the aliens again. Tony shrugged before averting his attention back to the fight. He was worried though the roars and thunder told that Thor and Bruce were working just fine. He hoped Clint, Nat, and Steve were alright too. He looked back towards Loki who had a determined look on his face, hitting the aliens with energy blasts on a long-range and using his daggers to destroy any that came near. 

_Show off._ Tony thought to himself before his attention was diverted by the aliens surrounding him. Tony cursed as he sent another four flying off. But it didn't prove much help as more kept on coming. 'How many are there dammit!'

He heard a yell only to see one of them stab Loki with his own knife in the shoulder. It was all the distraction they needed as the aliens piled on top of him, pinning him down. Tony felt them scratch at his armor. He felt more pile up on him. His nanobots couldn't keep up with the number of claws scratching away at him.  


He saw a green blast hit one of them diverting their attention. Tony pulled his arm free and blasted another as Loki's dagger took down two. Together they managed to keep them at bay. 

"Your shoulder alright?" Tony asked. 

Loki glared at him. "This wound means nothing to me Stark. You should focus on yourself." With that, he diverted his attention back at the aliens. 

They didn't know how long they had been fighting but Tony was getting tired. And so was Loki if the beads of sweat lining his forehead were any indication. Suddenly a great explosion rocked the ground. Tony looked up and saw two buildings closest to him come crashing towards them. 

He moved to fly away but the aliens, having taken advantage of his distraction, pinned him down.  
"Dammit there's too many." he cried as he tried blasting them off. He looked to the left to see that Loki wasn't faring any better. In his panic, he deployed his missiles which effectively went off next to him. His suit got a beating and the last thing he saw as he blacked out was Loki managing to get free.  
________________________  
Tony woke up blearily trying to remember where he was. He squinted to look in the dim light. "Friday?" he called. 

No reply. The system must be down. _Damn._  
He lifted his faceplate and noticed the dim light was coming from a faint green layer. A force field apparently, of some kind. Which was holding up all the rubble and concrete. He touched it. It felt as if it was made of glass and was icy to the touch. "What the-?"

"Finally... awake... are we?"

"Loki?"

"No... it's Hawkeye." Loki's voice sounded strained. Getting up as much as he could in the small space he looked at the trickster. Loki's hands were splayed out in front of him whilst he himself was crouched in a position that wouldn't be considered comfortable. His face was sporting a cut or two. His shoulder was lightly bleeding. 

"So...where are we?"

Loki gave him an unimpressed look. "Use your brain Stark. We were pinned by the aliens with buildings that were being demolished around us. Where would we be?"

"Right." Silence enveloped them only broken by Loki's strained breathing. "Umm..." Tony made another attempt at conversation. The silence was too stifling for him. "Are you alright?"

"What's this Stark? _Concern._ For me? I'm touched." Loki spat. 

Tony winced. It was a given that Loki wouldn't be all too happy with him. Not finding the courage to face the God of Mischief he observed the force field again. It was mostly transparent whereas a pattern ran across it. Nothing new here. He couldn't even contact anyone outside. He hoped the team was alright. Silence was once again broken with the sounds of explosions. Tony heard a piece of rubble fall. "Aaagh-" Loki moaned as the shield flickered. Loki's breathing became more strained and heavy. Tony was now getting worried. Then he heard it. Scraping of some sort. 

"Loki," Tony called. "I think someone's here."

"That's... good."

"Hey! We're over here." Tony yelled hoping whoever it was would hear. He saw some rubble move to the side as light filtered in. Tony's face fell as the head of the alien showed up. It punched him, knocking him out effectively. Loki saw Tony being dragged out. 

"Hey!" Loki called out. He saw more aliens crawl inside and surround him. "Stay away from me you damn creatures." They didn't listen and only grabbed him. Loki waited for the rubble to come down but instead, he saw that the aliens held it up. As soon as he was dragged out the aliens let go which in turn crushed them. 

Loki's eyes widened. It appeared that they were of some use to the extraterrestrials if they were willing to sacrifice a part of their army. Loki struggled against them but he was too weak. He felt something hit the back of his head and everything went black.  
________________________  
"The aliens. They're leaving." Natasha heard Captain America announce. Something felt off. She knew it. They wouldn't just leave. They must have gotten what they came for. But what? 

"Hey! Want me to call the others?" Clint asked her from his high spot. 

"How are you going to do that?"

Clint just released an arrow into the air which exploded when high enough. Climbing down they waited. Vision, Wanda, and Thor came. So did the Hulk. But neither Tony nor Loki was in sight. 

"Everyone is safe. Doctor Strange is currently helping in cleaning up." Vision informed them. 

"Have any of you seen Tony or Loki?" Captain asked. Natasha felt panic at the fact that these three were missing. 

"No, but perhaps we can search over there. Two buildings fell over there. So maybe Tony is there." Thor pointed towards the left. Thor, Hulk, and Wanda went there first. By the time the others arrived, they were almost done searching. 

The buildings were evacuated so there had been no loss of life. They looked around. Searching. Natasha saw something gleaming under a mound of rubble. Picking it up she saw what it was. 

Thor came as well carrying something. "Guys," she called as both Thor and Nat showed the others what they found. It was Loki's dagger and Tony's helmet. "I think these aliens got what they came for."  
________________________  
Tony fought off the urge to groan because honestly he was waking like this too many times, and slowly got up. Repressing the sense of nausea and _deja vu_ assaulting his senses, he looked around. His head was throbbing and the dim light wasn't helping his vision. He seemed to be in some sort of cell. 

For a second his breath hitched and his vision swam as he went back to Afghanistan. Shaking his head he tried to clear his mind. This wasn't Afghanistan. There were no missiles and the walls weren't of a cave. But this didn't mean he was out of danger. His head throbbed and he grabbed it. _What happened?_ He was fighting the aliens. There were too many and they dropped buildings on him and _Loki!_

_Where was he? Did he manage to escape? Or did he get captured as well?_ He went to the door which was the source of the small amount of light in the cell. He looked out the small window but was greeted with nothing but the sight of endless halls. Huffing he turned away. 

He didn't know how much time had passed but the door finally opened. An alien stood at the door. It pushed someone inside. The guy stumbled and fell, his breathing heavy. The alien went and Tony moved towards the prone, already knowing who it was due to the mop of long dark hair. He kneeled. "Loki? Are you alright?"

"Leave me... alone Stark. I'm-" he coughed twice "-fine." Slowly Loki got up and Tony saw his blackened eye and blood trailing down his chin which Loki hastily wiped away. 

"What happened?"

"An interrogation happened Stark."

Tony waited for him to continue but when he didn't, "And?"

"And?" Loki echoed. 

"What do they want? Why did they come here?"

"I'm surprised Stark. I was certain you would start accusing me of joining them. Why so trusting?"  
"So what if I trust you?"

"Why? Am I no longer a villain? Have you somehow finally managed to forgive me Stark, for all the destruction I caused all those years ago? Are you truly certain it's a wise choice to believe me? 

"I could be playing a trick on you. I have tried to destroy Earth before. There is nothing for me on that planet." Loki taunted, a malicious grin spreading on his face.

"Will you ever stop lying?" Tony snapped. Loki's eyes widened. "We know alright? We know it wasn't you in New York!"

"You-you-" Loki sputtered in anger before grabbing Tony by the neck. Tony flailed, trying to free himself. "You read it?" Loki's voice was filled with rage. Tony noticed that Loki's hold was firm but not tight. He could breathe. 

"Not only me. Thor and Bruce and Cap-"

Loki let go as suddenly as he had grabbed him. Tony rubbed his neck. He took a deep breath. "Look we can either fight about this here or we can get out of here and then fight about it. We need to work together for now. You can kill me later."

If Loki heard him he gave no indication. He remained frozen in his spot. "Loki," Tony spoke softly. If you think we pity you and think that you are weak, we don't. But we understand."

Loki only glared and sat in the corner. _Far away from him._ They sat in silence for what Tony thought was another hour before some alien came and gave them food. It consisted of broth and a piece of meat but Tony wasn't complaining. Halfway through his bowl, Loki spoke.

"They wish to know the location of the infinity stones. They believe the Avengers will tell them."

Tony mentally cursed. Just what they needed. More power-hungry aliens. 

"They don't know who we are though. Just that we are members of the team. It would be preferable to keep it that way."

"And the interrogation?"

"I refused to tell them. They hoped that a few hits would give them the answers." Tony wished he had his suit right now but the damn aliens had managed to take his nanobots. 

"Do you know where we are?"

Loki nodded. "We are in the space between the worlds. And to get out we will have to go to the bridge and access the teleporter. There is no other way."

"And I'm guessing you have a plan for that?"

"Such faith in my capabilities Stark. I'm touched." The sarcasm was heavy. "I do have a plan. But for any plan to work I need my magic."

"Ok cool. How long will that take?"

Loki hesitated slightly before replying. "...A few days." _Dammit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope it didn't seem to rushed. Tell me what you think. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. Sorry for any typos that got past.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this one. This may or may not be the last chapter. I'll decide later. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.

The Avengers all sat in the tower, staring blankly. It had been a week since their team members went missing. Thor was worried sick. The guardians were searching for them. No good news had come until now. 

"Do you really think they would want some sort of ransom for them?", Clint asked.

"That or information." Nat confirmed. 

Steve sighed heavily. They really hoped the Guardians would be able to find them. Nat looked through the computer, searching for...something. Then Friday's voice rang out. "There's a ship that has entered the atmosphere."  
________________________  
Five days, by Tony's calculations, had passed. There was no sun so he really couldn't tell. He just guessed. Loki was once again leaning against the wall. His wounds; bruises and a few broken bones were almost healed. This was nothing new. 

For the past five days this had happened. After Tony and Loki had discussed their plan of escape, they had been escorted to another room. Tony tried to remember what led where but the halls were too similar to be able to tell. Loki was quietly walking beside him, his black eye having been healed sometime ago, though the tight jaw and clenched fists said enough for Tony. 

They were pushed into a room similar to their cell, the only difference being the two chairs on which they were forced to sit. As soon as they did an alien entered four more behind him, flanking him like bodyguards. He must be the boss. 

The alien reminded Tony of _Davy Jones_ in _Pirates of the Caribbean_. He had tentacles reaching down till his chest wriggling. Two slits instead of a nose with, weirdly enough, pincers that clicked and clacked. Tony shuddered. 

Then it spoke with a voice that sounded like grating nails, a slight hiss present in each word, "The second. It has woken. It will cooperate yes?"

Tony glared at the thing in front of him. Before he could insult the alien in any way it continued, "It has seen what happens when uncooperative. The first did not answer. Even though the first must know more." He gazed towards Loki. "It has worked with Thanos. So will the second cooperate?"

"I-I need time. To think. I'll tell you soon." Tony replied in the way he was instructed by Loki. He had agreed reluctantly but he wasn't happy. He really hoped this worked though. 

The alien frowned. Or it looked like a frown. Tony couldn't tell. Then it nodded. "We will interrogate the first. S'nuk will be waiting for the second's reply. S'nuk does not like to be angered."

So this cycle repeated for the next five days. Loki would be interrogated, beaten up when he refused and Tony would always say that he needed time. Tony hated this. Hated being so useless while Loki got hurt. When he asked Loki why he kept taking all the hits Loki only smiled in a condescending manner and replied, "Because I can heal quicker."

Tony tried sharing his food but Loki refused that as well saying, "You need your energy as well Stark." On the third day his magic came back enough for him to conjure a flame. Loki grinned and claimed that his magic would soon get strong for him to have enough strength to escape. 

Now two days later his magic was apparently back. As an alien opened the door, to hand them food this time, Loki threw a dagger, it going through his head. Tony grabbed the blaster and shot off two others behind him. Loki set up illusions. 

"We must hurry. It won't hold for long." Loki supplied. 

"But what about my suit?", Tony cried, indignant. 

"You can always make a new one. Now come on!"

Tony grumbled but relented as he knew Loki was right. A new suit was easy, but you only got one life. They took many turns, killing any aliens that came their way. Tony had the urge to ask if Loki knew where they were going but repressed the urge because they had entered the bridge. And the alarm also went off at the same time. Just great. 

Loki started tapping buttons immediately. Then he cursed making Tony ask, "What's wrong? What happened?" The alarms in the background weren't helping. At all. 

"I had hoped we would be able to use the teleporter from here but we can't."

"What? Why?!"

"It's not strong enough. Hold on. We're getting out of this space." With that he typed in some coordinates and Tony felt the ship move. "This may feel strange."

"What may-" But Tony didn't have time to complete his sentence as they blasted off. In, what felt like an eternity, but would only be a few seconds, it was over. And in the distance Tony could see Earth! "What was that?"

"I believe humans call it hyperdrive. The uneasiness is because we traveled through multiple worm-holes at once."

"...ok."

"I have set up the teleporter. First you go. I will come afterwards."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Stark. You, at the moment, are much more vulnerable than me. Now step in. Don't worry. I promise I'll make it."

Tony obliged reluctantly. _Damn silvertongue._ Loki looked towards Tony and noddded. Just as he was about to push the button, he was stabbed in the chest. "No!" Tony yelled as S'nuk, stood behind him, a smug look on his disgusting face. Loki swiftly turned around and slashed his throat. The alien clearly wasn't expecting it, if the surprised look on his face was any indication. "Loki wa-" Loki then pushed the button sending Tony back.  
________________________  
"-it". Tony appeared on the table in the middle of the Avengers. 

"Tony!" Steve yelled clearly surprised along with everyone else. 

Tony didn't acknowledge anything as he yelled, "We have to save Loki!"

"Where is he?"

"He's in the ship." Just as Tony finished saying this a loud explosion lit up the sky.   
________________________  
A flash of green light and Loki stumbled falling down on his knees. His wound was bleeding badly but he knew he wouldn't be able to heal it. The last of his magic was used in teleporting out of the ship. The other aliens had come and, in the resulting crossfire, had destroyed the teleporter. 

Loki had no choice but to use his magic to get out of the ship. Not before making sure it would blow up though. Raising his head he looked around. He was at the central park. Lifting himself up he walked, or more like stumbled towards a willow tree. Propping his back up against the tree he relaxed. If these were his final moments he wanted to be at peace. 

He closed his eyes and thought of the past few weeks he had spent with Jennifer and the kids. It was nice, he admitted. Nice to be accepted for who you were. They were nice. He would miss them. A lot.

His thoughts wandered over to his few and rare friends. Valkyrie, Doctor Bruce and Nebula. He was…glad that he had met them and was grateful that they had accepted him, even after knowing what he was and what he had done.

He then thought about Thor. His only family that was left. Thor who looked after him and cared for him no matter what happened. Loki had given him a hard time these past few years. But him, being the pig-headed oaf he is, still stubbornly came after him. He didn't want to leave Thor. Not like this. Pain shot up his side as his breath hitched. 

A single tear drop went down his cheek. He would miss him. Oh what he wouldn't give to see that bright smile one last time, the same smile that was like the sun shining which washed away your troubles. Darkness crept into his vision. 

Lastly his thoughts landed on Tony Stark. The mortal had surprised him. The words he spoke, _"We know alright? We know it wasn't you in New York!"_ Though these words made him angry at that time now he was grateful. Grateful that not everyone would hate him, that someone would know the truth, when he was gone. 

He was getting sleepy. His thoughts were getting jumbled. In the distance he could hear sirens of ambulances blaring as they sped of to help someone. Just before his eyes closed he heard someone shout.

"There he is!" He smiled. Then he finally gave into the temptation and closed his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah....horrible end no? 
> 
> Not really. Because this isn't the end. One more chapter to go. But it'll be updated by tomorrow. Sorry guys. ^^'
> 
> Also, I apologize if any mistakes managed to get past. Thank you once again.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright people. It the last chapter. Sorry I couldn't update it yesterday. 
> 
> Hope you like it!

Loki opened his eyes blearily. Looking around he found himself in a beautiful field of flowers. The sun was shining brightly, too brightly in his opinion. He shielded his eyes and looked around, trying to find out where he was. He spotted someone in the distance, a woman, picking flowers. Getting up he went over to the person. As soon as the woman's features became clear Loki stopped in his tracks as his breath stopped. "Mother?"

And it was Queen Frigga. Smiling softly she went over to her son. "My child." She was enveloped in a hug as the God of Mischief clung onto her as if she was a lifeline, _his lifeline,_ weeping into his mother's shoulder. She gently patted his back, stroking his hair until he calmed down. After a little while he let go, clearly embarrassed and refusing to meet Queen Frigga's eyes. She laughed lightly. "Come on Loki. I am your mother. There's no need to be shy."

"I missed you."

Still smiling she took his hand. "I did too, my dear boy."

He finally looked up. Looking around he asked, "Does this mean that I'm also-"

"No, this isn't Valhalla Loki. You are in limbo. On earth your body is in a coma." Loki's mouth formed an 'o'. "It has been two months."

"What?! Bu-but I just got here and if it's been two months what about Thor. He must be so worried-" he was cut off by Queen Frigga's tinkling laughter. He had missed it. It always calmed him, just like now. 

"Loki time works differently in different realms. You know that don't you? As for being worried, Thor is not the only one. There are many others as well." At Loki's confused look, Queen Frigga smiled once again, this time albeit sadly. Her child truly did believe he would not be missed by others besides Thor. She gently took his hand in hers and led him. Loki followed quietly. Sitting down, she conjured a screen and simply said "Look."

He saw himself, in the bed surrounded by mortal technology that was working to keep him alive. Loki saw Thor and Bruce talking. 

"Thor the doctors are saying they did everything they could."

"Well they could have done better!"

"Look Thor I know you're worried, I am too but it's all we can do."

"There has to be something. I can't just sit here and do nothing."

"Don't you think I want to help him. I want him to wake up too. I don't want to see him like that but the rest is on him. He has to fight himself. If he's your brother then he's also my friend."

Loki looked shocked. He knew that Bruce and he had a tentative friendship but it really warmed him that he cared that much. He smiled softly. Frigga then changed the scene to show the young Peter Parker, Tony Stark's child sitting by his bed. 

"Hey Mr. Loki. I know you're in a coma but the doctors said that you could hear us. So I decided to keep you company today 'cause Mr. Thor had to go to Asgard for some reason. It was hard to get him to leave though. He didn't even want to move from your side." Peter stopped. Hesitance was evident. 

"Mr. Loki. I'm sorry. For not getting to know you better. You seemed like a fun guy. But Mr. Stark and everyone else said that you were bad. I'm sorry." He got up. "Mr. Thor's here I think. Next time I'll introduce you to my friends. You'll like MJ. Bye Mr. Loki."

The scene changed again. It was night this time. Thor was being coaxed to come down and eat something. He finally agreed. As soon as he left someone else came in. it was Hawkeye. Loki couldn't help the small amount of fear that creeped up his spine. But Hawkeye did nothing. He just stood there. Then he came closer. "You know I never thought I'd say this to you but...I'm sorry. It wasn't you. The same way it wasn't me. I know how it feels. To have your control taken from you. To be stripped of any free will. It's not a good feeling." He chuckled. 

"Isn't that the understatement of the century? Just, when you wake up, I promise that things will be different. We know the truth and ...we'll help you." He left just before Thor came in. 

The scene changed again to show Stark. Thor was once again not seen. Apparently they all wanted to talk to him privately. "Hey Rudolph. You know Pepper and I are getting married and you need to wake up soon because you are invited. So you better come alright?" He sighed. A heavy, guilty sigh that made Loki feel somewhat sorry for him. "Look I'm not good with apologies. It's my fault you were treated that way and I know that when you wake you things won't just magically get better but still...we want to try. So wake up soon alright?"

Loki was shocked at all the apologies he was getting from the most unlikeliest of people. The scene one again changed. This time it was Nebula. She had flowers in her hand. Amaranth, Loki recognized. "It is one of Earth's customs that flowers are given to people that are unwell. You are fond of Earth so I believe you will appreciate this." With those words she turned around and left leaving the flowers on the table. The card on the flowers made Loki smile. _'Get well soon, my friend.'_

Valkyrie came in the next scene. Thor was sleeping in a chair this time. Val was drinking, obviously, her feet were propped on the table. Loki rolled his eyes. "Hey Lackey." she sounded intoxicated. "Wake up soon will ya. Big guy over there is worried as hell y'know. He refuses to eat, sleep and stays by your bed. Your friend, what's her name, Jenny I think. She's worried too, so are her kids. They're not allowed to visit. They're mad at that." She put her feet down. "Look. Come back alright? I don't have anyone to fight with either. I know you're strong enough. So come back alright."

Loki felt his eyes water. People did come. Agent Romanoff, Steve Rogers. They came. They were worried. Peter visited often. He even introduced his friends. With a wave of her hand Queen Frigga dismissed the scenes playing out in front of him. "I have to go back, don't I?" Loki asked. 

Frigga only nodded. "But I don't want to leave you."

Frigga cupped her son's cheek with her hands. "It is not your time yet. Do not worry we will meet. But not now. And I will always be watching over you. Both of you." Loki hugged her once again as he felt himself slowly fade. "Goodbye my son. I'm proud of you." she said as tears spilled down Loki's cheeks before he faded in a golden green light. "You have found happiness and I pray that you keep it." she said before she too left.

The first thing that registered in Loki's mind was the wetness on his cheeks as he woke up. He slowly moved to get up and felt someone holding his hand. He was greeted by the sight on his brother's short hair, resting on the bed, with Loki's hand clasped tightly in his. Loki smiled softly and shook him. "No. Bruce, go away. I'm not leaving Loki. He needs me." Thor mumbled sleepily. 

"I don't think I am Bruce, brother."

Thor's eyes snapped open as he heard Loki's voice. He was awake and sitting on the bed, a tentative smile on his face. "Hello brother. I'm here."

Then Thor hugged him. It wasn't his usual bear-hug that normally crushed a person's bone. This was soft, gentle, warm. Loki hugged him back, squeezing him tightly. As tightly as his body would allow it. Feeling wetness on his shoulder he pulled back. "Thor, are you crying?"

"I'm sorry. It's just that you weren't waking up and-and it's been two months. I was getting worried that I would lose you too. Just like I lost everyone else." he whispered the last part. 

"It's alright Thor. I'm here. And I don't plan on leaving you alone for a long time."

"You promise?" Thor asked sounding more like a child than an adult.

"I promise."

At that moment Peter stepped in. " Hey Mr. Thor. Dinner's ready. Do you want-" he saw Loki awake. His face broke out into a large grin which looked like a mixture between happiness and shock. "Mr. Loki. You're awake! How do you feel? Do you need anything? Does anything hurt? Are you hungry? Do you need water? Wait, I'll call Dr. Bruce. And tell everyone else the good news. Oh man, everyone's gonna be so happy!"

Both Thor and Loki chuckled as Peter ran off excitedly. 

"Loki. I'm sorry."

This confused Loki. "Thor, why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong."

"Loki, my brother, I was never there for you when you needed me. Especially when- you went through so much. If you trusted me enough, you would have told me."

"Thor." Loki began quietly. "I do trust you. More than anything. At that time the memories that Thanos planted were still fresh. I was afraid. But now. I know you will never hurt me. Not intentionally at least."

Before Thor could reply the doors opened and Loki was hugged by five kids who simultaneously yelled "Uncle Loki!"

Bruce chuckled lightly. "You were missed a lot Loki." Both Jenny and Bruce ushered the kids away before giving him a thorough checkup. Clint, Nat, Tony and Steve stood quietly in the background until he was deemed healthy by the doctors. 

"Hey Rudolph. Glad you decided to wake up." Tony began. "And just in time too."

"For the wedding Stark?" Loki smirked. 

"Wha-how do you--?" 

"I heard." At this Clint and Tony visibly stiffened a little. "And I have to say thank you." Loki didn't elaborate any further. He knew who wanted to understand, would. 

Tony broke out into a grin. "So you're coming right?"

"I would be honored to, Stark."

"You can call me Tony."

And then the doors banged open and Brunhilde walked in, a reluctant and annoyed-looking Nebula behind her. "Hey Lackey. Heard you woke so we're gonna enjoy some booze."

Tony instantly looked excited while Steve frowned. "Valkyrie. You are not going to be drinking anything. There are kids here. And Loki isn't allowed to drink either."

"What? Spangles! Don't do that!" Tony protested while Brunhilde just glared at him. 

Loki laughed as the argument escalated with Jenny, Steve and surprisingly Clint glaring down at the two alcohol lovers and those two refusing to budge. With a little wave of his hand, the kids watching the show with curiosity, got a bar of chocolate each. Helena settled on Loki's lap, lightly nibbling on the chocolate. Rosie surprisingly, had taken a liking to Thor. 

He himself took conjured popcorn for everyone else who decided to sit down and enjoy the show. _It was good to be back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well....here it is. Tell me what you think about the ending. Bad? Good? Sappy? 
> 
> Also thank you to everyone who decided to give this fic a chance. I appreciate it. Thank you. Bye. Stay safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Well here it is the first chapter. Hope you liked it. I am sorry if I got some detail wrong and sorry for any typos that still managed to get past. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. I'll hope to update the next chapter on time. Don't forget to tell me what you think. 
> 
> Thank you. Goodbye.


End file.
